A friend of mine recently turned 33. Amy mentioned in an email how she finally felt like she had grown into herself and how grand our 30s really were. It wasn't the first time I had read those words. I recently read a quote from Clare Danes (an actress I once like) that said the same thing, only it annoyed me coming from her but she also stole a married man away from his then very pregnant wife. It's hard to find any respect for someone like that, but that's neither her nor there. I was glad to hear these words coming from Amy because I was able to hear it in a different way, a way that I could really identify with.
In reference to Clare, she said it because she grew up so fast being in the acting profession. I had to grow up fast for very different reasons. Or maybe it wasn't that I had to grow up fast. Maybe it's that my maturity was beyond my actual years from the beginning. It seems weird to say that. If a kid said that to me now I would most likely think they were obnoxious, but back to my point. Maybe this maturity was given to me from the start to deal with the more adult situations I was put into. Really, what came first? I've thought many times about how events in my childhood were somehow preparation for my mom's death. As huge of a loss that that was, her death served as a springboard for the woman I was to become. I was able to recognize that just a few short years after her death and just a few short years into my 20s. Seriously, how many people at that age can have that kind of perspective? Her death was really never a hindrance to me and I know that's the way she would have wanted it.
I think this maturity is what has contributed to me being a loner much of my life. I just couldn't totally identify with those around me. Nearly all relationships have seemed a bit superficial to me (some still do), because I know that person just isn't capable of really getting me. At the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I'm just a much deeper thinker than most people I know. I think on an entirely different level than most people I come across, perhaps over-think. It's not that anything is wrong with them (or me for that matter), I am just different.
I've also always had friends older than myself. I've always been attracted to men much older than myself (Mike was 27 and I was 19 when we started dating). I've always enjoyed getting older . I think a huge part of enjoying getting older was because that "maturity gap" was slowly drawing to a close. After reading Amy's words, I realized that gap was just about closed. I think I may have finally caught up with myself.
Wow, that almost gave me butterflies.
Moving forward from that point should be nothing less than awesome.
About Me
- Erin
- I'm a 30-something stay-at-home mom trying to find a balance between being a good mom and carrying on my passion as a jewelry designer.
Friends' Blogs
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Harga Jam Tangan LED9 years ago
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vintage12 years ago
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3 comments:
I was just thinking about you and wondered, "has she posted on her blog lately?" and here you are...weird. You have always been very mature, I've always known that about you. I was definitely someone who stumbled through my 20's, not really knowing who I was. It DOES feel good to finally be able to know who I am, no apologies. Anyway, I definitely believe that you were prepared for what you would have to face in life, I believe that very deeply. I'm sure your mom is soooo proud of you :)
It's funny you should write this today, because I just had a conversation with a woman I respect immensely-professionally and personally-that centered around the idea that those hard times in life can either be used as a springboard to rise higher, or can be used as an anchor to drown under. Your mom's death was a springboard for you because you used it as such. Lots of other people would drown under it. I'm so glad you chose the former.
Now, about being a loner and a deep thinker...those of us who know you pretty well (and I like to consider myself as part of that category) love you for those qualities. You're intelligent and deep and reflective and you help us question ourselves so we can find the absolute best answers. When you say something, I LISTEN, because you seem to have a way of thinking that forces me to think on a different level, just to keep up. Does that make sense?
Seriously, it's so nice to feel really good in my own skin and i'm so glad you are feeling it too! There's always room for improvement, but feeling good about who you are is such an improvement over feeling like you don't know who the hell you are.
You are NOTHING short of awesome, and considerably more! Thanks for this post.
And also, I don't like Claire Danes anymore for the exact same reasons. :)
I've grown younger as I've grown older, if that makes any sense. As a child I was always as serious as a heart attack, but as I aged, I loosened up and became more outgoing and smiled more. Now that I'm over 50, I don't know if I've caught up to myself or if I just moved from naïveté to cynicism without missing a beat. (Rather in the same manner as I went from baby fat to middle age spread, LOL.)
I think I must have experienced that same kind of awakening in my 30's as you are describing here, although to be frank, I don't remember a lot of things because I've suppressed so many memories of bad times and buried good memories along with the bad. It's good, I think, that you can think "aloud" in a blog and share what you are experiencing - it's not only good for your own personal growth, but for others who may read your words and be comforted or uplifted by the knowledge that they are not alone. I think I would have felt a lot better back then, had I known there were others "out there" who were more like me than different.
Very moving post, my friend.
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