Piper Promotion
I gotta do a little Piper promotion because I know some of you haven't seen the last post on Piper's blog or I would have heard from you. Go watch the video. It will make you laugh.
Semi-Brief Thoughts on Lots of Things
My New Facebook Profile PicAt least once a day, I think "I should write about that on my blog." Then I think I don't have enough time to sit down and do it justice, so I don't do it. Sometimes I'd just rather do other things and then sometimes lose the idea. I have lots to say about a lot of things, but I think this will be a good practice in being concise. I am breaking it up by topic to help organize my thoughts.
I never thought I would be "one of those people" that was into the whole social networking thing. Never say never. I am officially a Facebook addict. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but it does soak up a lot of my time. Yet, I can see two very obvious benefits from my time there.
1 - I am now actually taking pictures of myself. I hate to have my picture taken, but I don't want to have a huge block of my life where I am absent from all of the family pictures. This is my baby step. I've realized headshots aren't nearly as uncomfortable as full-body pictures. You can also take pictures over and over and over until you are satisfied. It really is an exercise in self-acceptance because you almost get a detached feeling of it being you in the picture because you're just looking for the best shot. You can even get all artsy with props to hide flaws you just don't want to deal with. I'm still not totally comfortable, but I am comfortable enough to put it out there for all those former classmates to see.
2 - It's nice knowing there are other people out there that actually wondered what became of me. It's nice having brief tidbits of adult interaction, even if it is just this, throughout my day. It's nice seeing what other people are up (I'm more nosy than I like to admit).
One thing I don't get about Facebook is someone requesting to be your friend when you maybe had one or two conversations with the person when you were in middle school. I have a couple of people in my "Friends" (obvious loose usage) list because I didn't want to hurt their feelings or give them a complex. How silly is that?
Hormones
I am over the swings, already. Just when I thought I was over the effects of birth control, PMS comes along. Albeit, these swings have been a learning experience. I have seen how emotions thrown upon me by the pill taught me certain behaviors (summed up as a general bitchiness). Over time, these behaviors just became habit. Post-pill, I am still exhibiting those behaviors at times, but now I catch myself because I am reacting more out of habit, than out of emotion behind it. I still get irritated about somethings (who doesn't?), but I don't have nearly the same reaction. It's kinda hard to articulate, it's almost like I had a shift in perspective and I am seeing things a bit differently, maybe with a little more awareness. It's interesting in retrospect to see how much the birth control played with my head. I have never had an experience quite like that.
Over-Ambitious Moms
I recently started taking Piper to a weekly playgroup. Last week when we were there, the same little boy that kissed Piper came up and said something to me in complete gibbersish (or so I thought). I just nodded and say "ooh" in that exagerated tone you use with toddlers. The mom was quick to point out that he was actually saying hello to me in Chinese and that he had already master his numbers, letters, and colors, so he just needed to move on to something else to keep it fun. Yes, she said fun. I suddenly became aware of how far from that mom I am and I was thankful for that. More power to her, but the kid is barely 2. I am proud of myself for being in a place that I didn't feel inadequate as a mom because I wasn't like that mom.
Weather
It's freaking cold here. It was 18 below when I woke up this morning. My thermometer said it got up to 0 degrees today, but that was only because it was in the direct sun. I am so thankful for my woood-burning stove because I can make it as toasty as I want in here without worrying about the gas bill. I am also thankful for not having to go anywhere today and staying inside my toasty house.
Another random 11 connection
I don't know why it took me so long to catch this one. There are 11 Piper's piping. LOL
OK. I think that sums up what I want to spew about for now. Thanks for your time and your attention.
Notepad Chaos
That could be a good name for a blog, but it's actually the name of my new blog template. This one was converted from WordPress. Evidently, WordPress has much more detailed and creative templates as opposed to Blogger.
Some might think I am a bit schizo for changing my layout once again, but I was tired of all of my photos showing up as semi-transparent using the old layout. I would REALLY like a cool 3 column layout, but I haven't fell in love with any I have found. I also changed my blog title. "Getting out of my own way" served it's purpose. I think "Watch Erin Evolve" is a more positive way for me to describe my process here. You may not get it, may think I'm weird (more weird?), but that's OK. Part of my evolution is to be OK with that.
So here's to my new layout. We'll see how long this one lasts me.
My Etsy Shop is Officially Open
I finally got my Etsy site up and running. Thanks to those of you that helped motivate me to do it. I will give friends free shipping if you happen to be interested in anything in particular. You can check out my creations here: www arabellejewelry.com
Piper Blog Update
After a much too long hiatus, the Piper blog has finally been updated. If you're curious as to what my little Mini-Me is up to, take a look here.
For Your Viewing Pleasure
A long lost friend from high school was looking for a cool gift for a friend and asked me about my jewelry. This made me remember how many pictures of beaded jewelry I already have pictures of and since none of you, except Gina and my sister, have seen my jewelry I decided to share some here. They are the same ones I uploaded to my Facebook album if you want to check them out there. Arabelle is my business name and it is just a twist on my name - Erin Bell. I am trying ot move away from beaded items and do more of my own silver work, but I am finding the transitioning to a medium that requires more time and detail (not to mention hazardous chemicals and a flame at times) wasn't the best idea when you also decide to have a baby.
I don't have many pictures of my silver items yet, but the first picture is of some earrings I made with metal clay. I donated some to a charity auction and a person that lost the bid asked for some similar and this was the picture I sent them. The rest are just pictures of items I have submitted to juried art and craft shows in the past. Enjoy! (I hope)
I don't have many pictures of my silver items yet, but the first picture is of some earrings I made with metal clay. I donated some to a charity auction and a person that lost the bid asked for some similar and this was the picture I sent them. The rest are just pictures of items I have submitted to juried art and craft shows in the past. Enjoy! (I hope)
Overdue Quirk Tag
So I believe I have technically been tagged twice on this and like so many things, it was put on my "To Do Later" list (it's amazing what's on that list). So here goes...
1 - I am a pyro. I love playing with fire. I love the smell of spring burning. When we go camping, it's my job to collect the firewood while Mike sets up the tent. This is really only because I know the sooner the firewood is collected, the sooner I get to light the fire. I am not particularly good at lighting fires either, but that may just be a subconscious attempt to keep me playing in the fire. Now we have a wood-burning stove and use it as our primary source of heat in the winter (the heat envelopes you). I am generally the one that lights and tends the fire and unfortunately I have the scars to prove it. I think it's hereditary. My great-grandpa was still doing spring burning in his 90s.
2 - I have a thing with 11s, but you now know that.
3 - I LOVE MILK. Breakfast is not complete without it. I drink 2 gallons per week. I will sometimes turn away from chocolate if I don't have milk to wash it down with.
4 - I can't really drive a stick shift and I didn't really learn how until I was 26. My parents didn't own cars with standard transmission when I was old enough to drive so I didn't have to learn then. My cars had always been automatic. I did learn to drive a tractor as an early teen, but killing the tractor in the middle of the field (or running it into the ditch while your grandpa tries not to laugh at you) isn't quite the same level of stress as killing a car in an intersection. I was forced into driving a stick when I was an Area Soil Scientist in Ogden, UT. I had an old Dodge truck with a hydraulic probe/auger attached to the back of it that was used for sampling soil. I didn't have to use it much, but sometimes it was an absolute necessity because you can't just dig a hole that 10 feet deep wherever you want just because you want to know the soil texture. I taught myself to drive this truck by driving around the empty parking lot of Iomega (remember zip disks?). It was a great way to break up the time in the office. My first trip that wasn't just down the street and back from my office was to Logan. The trip went well and I was able to take back roads all the way to the office in North Logan and thereby avoiding the humilation of killing a big Dodge truck with a hydraulic probe in downtown Logan. I haven't driven a stick since the ol'Dodge, but could probably do it if I absolutely had to.
5 - I am a recovering Reality TV addict. The list of shows I have seen every episode of is long and a bit embarrassing. I am proud to say watching much less these days.
6 - I have a really good memory for phone numbers. I used to be better, but cell phones are starting to affect that only because I never have to dial some numbers.
7 - I hate having to call people on the phone when it's for nonpersonal or business reason. I can strike up a conversation face-to-face with just about anyone and experience no anxiety in doing so (I have years of waitressing to thank for that), but my heart will beat hard and fast and I then turn into a toungue-tied idiot that doesn't make sense. It's not like that all of the time, it's just really annoying when it does.
OK, there's my 7. This quirky girl is now going to go take a shower not that it's 2:30 in the afternoon. It seems to happen a lot at this time of day.
1 - I am a pyro. I love playing with fire. I love the smell of spring burning. When we go camping, it's my job to collect the firewood while Mike sets up the tent. This is really only because I know the sooner the firewood is collected, the sooner I get to light the fire. I am not particularly good at lighting fires either, but that may just be a subconscious attempt to keep me playing in the fire. Now we have a wood-burning stove and use it as our primary source of heat in the winter (the heat envelopes you). I am generally the one that lights and tends the fire and unfortunately I have the scars to prove it. I think it's hereditary. My great-grandpa was still doing spring burning in his 90s.
2 - I have a thing with 11s, but you now know that.
3 - I LOVE MILK. Breakfast is not complete without it. I drink 2 gallons per week. I will sometimes turn away from chocolate if I don't have milk to wash it down with.
4 - I can't really drive a stick shift and I didn't really learn how until I was 26. My parents didn't own cars with standard transmission when I was old enough to drive so I didn't have to learn then. My cars had always been automatic. I did learn to drive a tractor as an early teen, but killing the tractor in the middle of the field (or running it into the ditch while your grandpa tries not to laugh at you) isn't quite the same level of stress as killing a car in an intersection. I was forced into driving a stick when I was an Area Soil Scientist in Ogden, UT. I had an old Dodge truck with a hydraulic probe/auger attached to the back of it that was used for sampling soil. I didn't have to use it much, but sometimes it was an absolute necessity because you can't just dig a hole that 10 feet deep wherever you want just because you want to know the soil texture. I taught myself to drive this truck by driving around the empty parking lot of Iomega (remember zip disks?). It was a great way to break up the time in the office. My first trip that wasn't just down the street and back from my office was to Logan. The trip went well and I was able to take back roads all the way to the office in North Logan and thereby avoiding the humilation of killing a big Dodge truck with a hydraulic probe in downtown Logan. I haven't driven a stick since the ol'Dodge, but could probably do it if I absolutely had to.
5 - I am a recovering Reality TV addict. The list of shows I have seen every episode of is long and a bit embarrassing. I am proud to say watching much less these days.
6 - I have a really good memory for phone numbers. I used to be better, but cell phones are starting to affect that only because I never have to dial some numbers.
7 - I hate having to call people on the phone when it's for nonpersonal or business reason. I can strike up a conversation face-to-face with just about anyone and experience no anxiety in doing so (I have years of waitressing to thank for that), but my heart will beat hard and fast and I then turn into a toungue-tied idiot that doesn't make sense. It's not like that all of the time, it's just really annoying when it does.
OK, there's my 7. This quirky girl is now going to go take a shower not that it's 2:30 in the afternoon. It seems to happen a lot at this time of day.
More 11:11
Did you know that Veterans Day is always on November 11 (11/11) because WWII formally ended at 11am on the 11th day of the 11th month? I didn't know that until yesterday. Just thought that was kinda interesting.
Post-Election News Vacation
I didn't watch the news or read it online for the first couple of says after the election. It wasn't really intentional, it just happened. It was kinda nice suddenly having this time back in my day again. I hadn't totally realized how much of an information junkie I had become. Instant gratification has the tendency to make to go a bit overboard with things. Not quite like these people, though. I bet all of the talking heads on the news channels feel this way.
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
44
I found out during my early 20s that there was actually a religious cult in Montana that was centered around the number 11 (no, this isn't how I ended up in Montana). I found a book that their leader published. It was a little too "out there" even for me, but I still have the book. I was simply fascinated by the fact that there were actually other people experiencing 11:11 "phenomena". I found many people online that were "normal", so to speak, just like me (that probably depends on who you talk to) that also saw 11s a lot. I even found out that my sister did but neither of us had ever mentioned this to the other. Google 1111. It's surprising the number and variety of search results you will get. That photo of the Japanese Maple leaf, btw, is compliments of www.1111.com which doesn't have much to do with 1111 other than that is their PO Box #.
I am not sure what it means exactly, other than I do notice it more at certain periods of life than others. I asked my redneck psychic what he thought about me seeing 11s and he told me maybe the 7 was just burned out on the sign (his answer is an example of why I like this man). If I had to pinpoint a reason for myself, I'd say it's a message from the Universe to pay more attention to what is going on around me.
11 is considered a master number in numerology, along with 22, 33, 44, ... Without getting too much into explanation that I would have to look up even to explain (and you may not even care), master numbers are just more "special" than the other numbers.
So now to the point of my post. Obama will be the 44th President. I looked up the "meaning" of 44 in a book called Angel Numbers by Doreen Virtue. I look at numerology the same way I do horoscopes. They may or may not have meaning for you, and they often only have as much meaning as you give to them. This is what the book said:
"Many angels are with you now. You can ask these angels to help you with anything that brings peace to you and your loved ones. Don't tell the angels how to fix a situation; just ask them to fix it. The Divine and infinite wisdom of the Creator guides you (through the angels) to a wonderfully ingenious solution."
Just like a horoscope, a lot (or little) can be read into this. In light of the all the crap that is going on in this country, I choose to believe this. I choose to believe that Obama will have the divine guidance necessary for returning our country to what it was and more.
Today's horoscope (I don't normally read them) compliments of Frances Drake via the Bozeman Daily Chronicle for Aquarians (me) is:
"Important people notice you now. Furthermore, they are impressed, even if you don't do anything special. Therefore, make the most of this, because it won't always be easy. "
I am not sure who these important people are (could it be you?), but I think they must be OK if they are impressed just by me being me (Honestly, I really don't have to do anything special to be special because I am special).
Yep, I choose to believe my horoscope (and possibly my delusions) today, too.
Thanks, Gina!
I just stole this from your blog. Too cool not to share...
Clockwise Or Counterclockwise? - video powered by Metacafe
Which way does the dancing girl spin for you? Only clockwise for me.
If you see this lady turning clockwise you are using your right brain. If you see it her turning the other way, you are using left brain. Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.
See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.
BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN.
Experimentation has shown that the two different sides or hemispheres of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:
Left Brain
Logical
Sequential
Rational
Analytical
Objective
Looks at parts
Right Brain
Random
Intuitive
Holistic
Synthesizing
Subjective
Looks at wholes
Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain activities. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.
If you look away, she may switch from one direction to the other.
~~~~~~~
Now see this from New Scientist.
Bring on the dancing girl
OK, hands up if you can make her change direction. No? Only clockwise? How about making her stop?
This strangely compelling, animated silhouette of a woman spinning gracefully has been doing the rounds via email lately and the New Scientist office was one of many that spent a guiltily non-productive afternoon staring at her.
Why? Because some people see her spinning clockwise, some see her moving counterclockwise, and most, if they stare long enough, see her switch direction. Some can make her change at will. But no-one, it seems, can make her move in two directions at once.
All pretty spooky since she is an unchanging animation of only 34 frames in a constant loop. What seems to be happening is that the two-dimensional image does not contain enough three-dimensional information to tell the brain which way she is spinning. So your brain helpfully fills this in, as brains do in many optical illusions. Only, in this case the brain can do it one of two ways.
How about the stopping? Well, perception of time is pretty subjective, and our experience of inertia is that when things make a 180-degree change in direction, they have to slow and stop first.
What this animation does not involve is different sides of the brain, as the initial post claims. What you see is purely due to your perceptual and cognitive flexibility.
What is a little scary is how threatened by this some people clearly feel. The blogosphere is rife with arguments and ingenious explanations of the lady, with some people simply refusing to believe it isn’t an animation tick that really changes direction every few minutes.
Even more common are the people who are sure they know how to make her change direction. According to them, the trick is to hold your head or hands in certain ways, tilt the screen or look at her out of the corner of one eye. It was what they were doing when they saw her change – so it must work. Right?
Debora Mackenzie, New Scientist contributor
Clockwise Or Counterclockwise? - video powered by Metacafe
Which way does the dancing girl spin for you? Only clockwise for me.
If you see this lady turning clockwise you are using your right brain. If you see it her turning the other way, you are using left brain. Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.
See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.
BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN.
Experimentation has shown that the two different sides or hemispheres of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:
Left Brain
Logical
Sequential
Rational
Analytical
Objective
Looks at parts
Right Brain
Random
Intuitive
Holistic
Synthesizing
Subjective
Looks at wholes
Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain activities. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.
If you look away, she may switch from one direction to the other.
~~~~~~~
Now see this from New Scientist.
Bring on the dancing girl
OK, hands up if you can make her change direction. No? Only clockwise? How about making her stop?
This strangely compelling, animated silhouette of a woman spinning gracefully has been doing the rounds via email lately and the New Scientist office was one of many that spent a guiltily non-productive afternoon staring at her.
Why? Because some people see her spinning clockwise, some see her moving counterclockwise, and most, if they stare long enough, see her switch direction. Some can make her change at will. But no-one, it seems, can make her move in two directions at once.
All pretty spooky since she is an unchanging animation of only 34 frames in a constant loop. What seems to be happening is that the two-dimensional image does not contain enough three-dimensional information to tell the brain which way she is spinning. So your brain helpfully fills this in, as brains do in many optical illusions. Only, in this case the brain can do it one of two ways.
How about the stopping? Well, perception of time is pretty subjective, and our experience of inertia is that when things make a 180-degree change in direction, they have to slow and stop first.
What this animation does not involve is different sides of the brain, as the initial post claims. What you see is purely due to your perceptual and cognitive flexibility.
What is a little scary is how threatened by this some people clearly feel. The blogosphere is rife with arguments and ingenious explanations of the lady, with some people simply refusing to believe it isn’t an animation tick that really changes direction every few minutes.
Even more common are the people who are sure they know how to make her change direction. According to them, the trick is to hold your head or hands in certain ways, tilt the screen or look at her out of the corner of one eye. It was what they were doing when they saw her change – so it must work. Right?
Debora Mackenzie, New Scientist contributor
Inventory
After the week from hell last week, I am going to start this week off by taking inventory of things that make me feel good.
- I love my new used fridge. I loved that we were able to pay cash for it. I love that it gave me an opportunity to throw away all of those condiments that I was saving for some unknown special occasion. I love the roominess of this fridge. I love that it isn't as wide as the last fridge so there's room for the broom and stepping stool on the side.
- Thanks to my over-generous in-laws and a Nintendo employee discount, we got a Wii and Wii Fit about a month ago. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Wii Fit Board. I have a video game mentality. There's something about beating the high score the can really drive me. Who knew that it would work with exercise. I would exercise on my own, but I was horrible about pushing myself to the point of actually getting much benefit from a workout. Depending on the "game" I am playing, I can actually get to the point of sweat dripping from my hair. A lot of the games are rated on how stable your body is and where your center of balance is. Not surprsiningly, my center of balance is off. Could it possibly be from caring a kid aroung all of the time? The Wii Fit is helping me be more aware of how I distribute my weight around, finding my balance. I like thinking that finding my inner balance will help me find balance in other parts of my life.
- I love how many friends I have reconnected with via the internet. Four people just last month. I kinda feel like I have been gathering people closer to me, but from a distance because none of you are here. It has helped me realize that not having many friends here is not the problem. My problem has been primarily with the lack of a real connection with people. Connections don't have to be made face to face. I have had more of a chance to strenghthen the relationships I do have here and it's been really nice remembering why I was attracted to these people in the first place.
- I love that being "green" and saving money are often one in the same. I love that the little ways I try to save money around the house, is also good for the earth. I love that I have become a little bit obsessive about recycling. I love the reusable grocery sacks from grovery stores. I still like to have some plastic sacks around the house, but the reusable bags are the bomb. I read somewhere if you leave them next to the car seat you'll never forget to take them into the store. I love that being more money-conscious is helping me to waste less food. I love that organic foods are beomcing more and more mainstream and more affordable as a result.
- I love that I have already voted. I wouldn't have guessed that I would have voted for Obama when he won the primary, but that is who my vote went to and I feel good about it. Even NRA-loving Mike voted for Obama. I love that I don't have to go out to do it tomorrow. I am proud of myself for being as aware as I am this election. I am looking forward to all of the political ads from TV going away. I am looking forward to the us vs. them and no in-between attitude fading into the background. I am looking forward to it all unfolding. I want to believe that there will be change regardless of who is elected. I think we are entering a new and long-overdue era of accountability from our elected officials. People are tired of the BS and aren't willing to put up for it anymore. Who needs reality TV, reality is pretty exciting in itself.
- I love that I am almost halfway through a book I started before I was pregnant, before I got into my reading rut. It's a long one and from a series I started when I was in Middle School. The last book only came out a few years ago so it will be really nice to find out what happens in the end. Mike and Tom will finally get to ask me what I think about the ending. I love that I am now going to go read that book while Pip watches some cartoons.
May your day be as great as mine.
- I love my new used fridge. I loved that we were able to pay cash for it. I love that it gave me an opportunity to throw away all of those condiments that I was saving for some unknown special occasion. I love the roominess of this fridge. I love that it isn't as wide as the last fridge so there's room for the broom and stepping stool on the side.
- Thanks to my over-generous in-laws and a Nintendo employee discount, we got a Wii and Wii Fit about a month ago. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Wii Fit Board. I have a video game mentality. There's something about beating the high score the can really drive me. Who knew that it would work with exercise. I would exercise on my own, but I was horrible about pushing myself to the point of actually getting much benefit from a workout. Depending on the "game" I am playing, I can actually get to the point of sweat dripping from my hair. A lot of the games are rated on how stable your body is and where your center of balance is. Not surprsiningly, my center of balance is off. Could it possibly be from caring a kid aroung all of the time? The Wii Fit is helping me be more aware of how I distribute my weight around, finding my balance. I like thinking that finding my inner balance will help me find balance in other parts of my life.
- I love how many friends I have reconnected with via the internet. Four people just last month. I kinda feel like I have been gathering people closer to me, but from a distance because none of you are here. It has helped me realize that not having many friends here is not the problem. My problem has been primarily with the lack of a real connection with people. Connections don't have to be made face to face. I have had more of a chance to strenghthen the relationships I do have here and it's been really nice remembering why I was attracted to these people in the first place.
- I love that being "green" and saving money are often one in the same. I love that the little ways I try to save money around the house, is also good for the earth. I love that I have become a little bit obsessive about recycling. I love the reusable grocery sacks from grovery stores. I still like to have some plastic sacks around the house, but the reusable bags are the bomb. I read somewhere if you leave them next to the car seat you'll never forget to take them into the store. I love that being more money-conscious is helping me to waste less food. I love that organic foods are beomcing more and more mainstream and more affordable as a result.
- I love that I have already voted. I wouldn't have guessed that I would have voted for Obama when he won the primary, but that is who my vote went to and I feel good about it. Even NRA-loving Mike voted for Obama. I love that I don't have to go out to do it tomorrow. I am proud of myself for being as aware as I am this election. I am looking forward to all of the political ads from TV going away. I am looking forward to the us vs. them and no in-between attitude fading into the background. I am looking forward to it all unfolding. I want to believe that there will be change regardless of who is elected. I think we are entering a new and long-overdue era of accountability from our elected officials. People are tired of the BS and aren't willing to put up for it anymore. Who needs reality TV, reality is pretty exciting in itself.
- I love that I am almost halfway through a book I started before I was pregnant, before I got into my reading rut. It's a long one and from a series I started when I was in Middle School. The last book only came out a few years ago so it will be really nice to find out what happens in the end. Mike and Tom will finally get to ask me what I think about the ending. I love that I am now going to go read that book while Pip watches some cartoons.
May your day be as great as mine.
Calgon take me away...
If it were only that easy. Last week was L O N G . Might as well give you the day-by-day so you can get a full appreciation of why I haven't been around.
Monday: Hint of throat tightness. Keep this to myself because Mike always gets paranoid about getting sick. I Try Piper's Halloween costume on her for the 1st time. The one that I was so proud of myself for buying 2 weeks earlier. Last Halloween found this mom procrastinating and not realizing that good moms find the best selection of toddler costumes more than a week before Halloween (down-side of small towns). I never bothered trying it on her because it looked big enough and if anything, clothes in her size/age are a bit big on her. So that leaves me on a Monday before Halloween without a costume for my child. I decide to pay for 2-day shipping and order a kitty costume online. Comfort myself about the extra shipping because it prevented me from having to run all over Bozeman trying to find a costume that Piper could even recognize and appreciate (hence the kitty choice), let alone fit her.
Later I notice that Ben & Jerry's Cake Batter Ice Cream from the freezer is resembling Cake Batter Soup (quite tasty, btw, ice cream that is) on Monday night during dessert-time munchies. Choose to ignore that tidbit of info because everything else is frozen. Note to self: Ice cream is to freezers as canaries are to coal mines.
Tuesday: Pretty sure I am getting sick. Mike leaves town for the real Big Sky part of the state (the one that the resort was named for) and 5 hours away. After a trip to the park, the thrift store (I am a proud thrift store shopper), and then Albertson's, I return home a little exhausted and achy. I take my temperature and the thermometer tells me 101 degrees. Really??? I don't think I feel that crappy.
The $9.95 digital thermometer purchased during the aforementioned trip to Albertson's is now telling me the fridge is 45 degrees. Turns out the fridge/freezer and I are not doing so well. At least Piper's not sick. Freezer items are moved to the basement chest freezer, fridge items get moved to coolers with frozen, pureed tomatoes and frozen split pea soup acting as ice. Some unfortunate items were sacrificed during the migration to cooler (my condiment collection seems to have a life of it's own and was in need of a good downsizing), but purging from time to time regardless of where it is in your house it is IS always a good thing. Did I mention that I have a temp of 101 and I am home alone with a toddler?
Wednesday: Repairman shows up shortly after noon. After a relatively quiet examination, he tells me to cross my fingers. This is really just code words for this is beyond hope, it's dead, it's gone, say your condolences now, m'am. He still tries to convince me that there is a sliver of hope and doesn't make me pay him for his service call immediately (bonus of small towns) and just tells me to call him to let him know if my fridge goes "back to normal" because he reset the thingamabob and sometimes you just never know.
One-hundred-one must be my lucky number because that was my winning body temperature once again after dinner. I still can't believe my temp is that high because I really think I should feel much worse than I do. Piper and I are now living out of a cooler. When you do this for camping it is an adventure. When you do this at home, with a toddler, while sick, and during record warm temperatures (73F on 10/30 in Montana???) that you can't even enjoy because you feel so crappy? NOT. FUN.
Thursday: Morning is rough. Being sick at home alone with a 19-month old isn't exactly recuperating. Kitty costume arrives on schedule. Piper lets me try it on her, but she is definitely not impressed. I wonder how I am going to get her to wear it for very long tomorrow. I am proud of how uncranky I have been with Piper despite our circumstances. Mike returns home. Too late to do anything about fridge, but relief has arrived!!!
Friday: (very early) Don't sleep well. Moved to the couch at 3:30am in hopes of at least Mike getting some sleep. Lay there for about an hour before Piper wakes. After the requisite time to allow her to fall back to sleep, I finally go to her. Seconds after picking her up, Piper pukes. Halloween is officially cancelled for Piper. Sickness ensues until about 6am, then she takes a short nap. She's feverish off and on the rest of the day, but no more vomiting. I was impressed with how it didn't totally gross me out. This was actually Pip's first incident since eating real food. What a lovely milestone. I am happy she is too young to be sad about missing out on Halloween fun.
I go used fridge shopping that day. We just spent $1000 on new truck tires and now our Outback has U-joint issues. With Christmas coming soon, a new fridge is just not in our immediate future, especially not like our dead one with water and ice on the door. We eventually wanted a garage fridge anyway so when we buy a new fridge in the spring, the "new" used fridge will relocate to the garage. My trip was a success and Mike and his friend go pick it up later that day. I even got rid of the dead fridge by advertising it on freecycle.
Later that night, Mike and I try to watch a scary movie. I LOVE scary movies. It's one of the few traditions we have. Last year was ruined because Mike's hunting buddy showed up FIVE days early and unannounced to just hang out before they left for their hunting trip (I was NOT impressed). This year there were no unexpected houseguests and I made sure that we 2 Netflix DVDs to choose from. We turned out the porch light to let the trick-or-treaters know we were closed for business. Piper went to bed early because she had been sick. We were all ready to watch a scary movie. Then the DVD player decided it was also it's time to go. Yes, my friends, my DVD player decided to go the way of the fridge. All I could do was burst out laughing - partially out of humor, partially out of madness. Scary movie night was foiled once again. We do have another DVD player, but by now we are just too tired to care enough to swap the dead one out for the functioning player.
Big sigh....
Saturday was a much better day. I sure hope next week is better. How can it be any worse? Mike does have to leave town again, but it's the last time for a long time. Piper is mostly better and so am I. And this week we won't be living out of coolers. Other than REALLY missing my ice dispenser (I drink 3L of ice water/day), I am actually liking the used fridge more. Just having a fridge is an amazingly wonderful thing, but this fridge is roomier and easier to find things in (not that that's a problem now because this house is in dire need of a trip to the grocery store). I really do like my "new" used fridge.
Off to change the clocks in the house. I remember the good old days when this time change was THE BEST. A whole extra hour of sleep. I laughed when the newsman said last night to enjoy your extra hour of sleep, unless you have kids. So true.
All things considered...
I am doing pretty good.
Saturday I left at 6AM for Missoula to go to my class. I had little sleep the night before and didn't get home until 6:30 that night. I worked Sunday morning for 4 hours. Made $100 and was home before noon. Once Piper had lunch that day, I was looking forward to doing a whole lotta nothing. Sometime during the afternoon, Piper decided that she wanted to look at a book with me. I was laying on the couch when she decided to "hand" it to me. Her handover resulted in the distinct impression of her board book in my forehead. You can even count the pages.
While I was making dinner later that day, I decided to use my new slicer. I am known to cut myself, but never badly. Until now. Moments after thinking how sharp this slicer was, how the potato was being cut "just like butter", I took a chunk out of my thumb. Yes, a chunk. I won't go into any graphic details, but it bled a lot and Mike actually got to use all of those years of wilderness first aid training he has had. Fortunately for me, we weren't in the wilderness. It bled a lot and didn't really even hurt.
I went to the doctor yesterday and it still didn't hurt when she was cleaning it out. The trip to the Dr. commenced with a tetanus shot so my right thumb and right shoulder are a bit gimpy at the moment. The Dr. told me that she had a patient in for the same injury about a month ago. She also laughed at the outline of the board book on my forehead. How can you not laugh at that?
I'm not sure why it still isn't hurting much. I didn't even scream when Piper decided to latch onto my bandaged thumb while we were out shopping today. I did cut into my dermis layer afterall. Not complaining, that's for sure. My shoulder that got the tetanus shot isn't terribly sore either. Lucky for me since Mike is far away in northeastern Montana until Thursday.
One thing is for sure, my thumb will never look the same. As Mike said, "You'll be growing some new fingerprints."
Saturday I left at 6AM for Missoula to go to my class. I had little sleep the night before and didn't get home until 6:30 that night. I worked Sunday morning for 4 hours. Made $100 and was home before noon. Once Piper had lunch that day, I was looking forward to doing a whole lotta nothing. Sometime during the afternoon, Piper decided that she wanted to look at a book with me. I was laying on the couch when she decided to "hand" it to me. Her handover resulted in the distinct impression of her board book in my forehead. You can even count the pages.
While I was making dinner later that day, I decided to use my new slicer. I am known to cut myself, but never badly. Until now. Moments after thinking how sharp this slicer was, how the potato was being cut "just like butter", I took a chunk out of my thumb. Yes, a chunk. I won't go into any graphic details, but it bled a lot and Mike actually got to use all of those years of wilderness first aid training he has had. Fortunately for me, we weren't in the wilderness. It bled a lot and didn't really even hurt. I went to the doctor yesterday and it still didn't hurt when she was cleaning it out. The trip to the Dr. commenced with a tetanus shot so my right thumb and right shoulder are a bit gimpy at the moment. The Dr. told me that she had a patient in for the same injury about a month ago. She also laughed at the outline of the board book on my forehead. How can you not laugh at that?
I'm not sure why it still isn't hurting much. I didn't even scream when Piper decided to latch onto my bandaged thumb while we were out shopping today. I did cut into my dermis layer afterall. Not complaining, that's for sure. My shoulder that got the tetanus shot isn't terribly sore either. Lucky for me since Mike is far away in northeastern Montana until Thursday.
One thing is for sure, my thumb will never look the same. As Mike said, "You'll be growing some new fingerprints."
Seriously dumb people
The other day I was getting gas. Three pumps away from me was a mom with her two kids in the back of the car and someone I assumed to be grandma in the passenger seat. Mom got gas and went inside to pay or something. In the meantime, I noticed grandma was out of the car with a cigarette in her hand. She was considerate enough to get out of the car so she wasn't smoking next to her grandkids. She even held the cigarette out away from her as she leaned towards the open window to talked to the kids while mom was in the store. Wouldn't want to get sceondhand smoke on the kids. Problem was she was smoking NEXT TO A GAS PUMP!!!
At first I thought, this couldn't be. Then she walked from the passenger side of the car to the driver side that was closer for me to see, but also RIGHT NEXT TO THE PUMP. A brief image of the place blowing up with me and Piper right there flipped through my mind. There wasn't free-flowing gas within 15 feet of her, but c'mon. I am not one of those "someone should do something about that" people, but this situation just seemed so blaringly obviously. I thought someone should say something, but no one else was seeing what I was seeing. I am also so not the kind of person that is comfortable calling out a stranger in public. Plus, this grandma looked like she could just start screaming back at me. Afterall, she's obviously not altogether with it because she's smoking a cigarette at a freaking gas pump with her grandkids in her car (at least she's protecting them from secondhand smoke lol).
When I was done fueling up, I pulled forward to the store and went in and reported her to the clerks. They immediately told her via the intercom to put out her cigarette. By this time, I was already back outside and heard her scream back, "It wasn't lit!". Yeah, right. I wonder what she would have screamed at me as a first hand witness to the lit cigarette.
I think the intercom method of calling her out was the best choice for me because I wasn't directly involved and hopefully a little public humiliation will do her some good. Seriously, who smokes at a gas pump? Seriously dumb people, that's who.
At first I thought, this couldn't be. Then she walked from the passenger side of the car to the driver side that was closer for me to see, but also RIGHT NEXT TO THE PUMP. A brief image of the place blowing up with me and Piper right there flipped through my mind. There wasn't free-flowing gas within 15 feet of her, but c'mon. I am not one of those "someone should do something about that" people, but this situation just seemed so blaringly obviously. I thought someone should say something, but no one else was seeing what I was seeing. I am also so not the kind of person that is comfortable calling out a stranger in public. Plus, this grandma looked like she could just start screaming back at me. Afterall, she's obviously not altogether with it because she's smoking a cigarette at a freaking gas pump with her grandkids in her car (at least she's protecting them from secondhand smoke lol).
When I was done fueling up, I pulled forward to the store and went in and reported her to the clerks. They immediately told her via the intercom to put out her cigarette. By this time, I was already back outside and heard her scream back, "It wasn't lit!". Yeah, right. I wonder what she would have screamed at me as a first hand witness to the lit cigarette.
I think the intercom method of calling her out was the best choice for me because I wasn't directly involved and hopefully a little public humiliation will do her some good. Seriously, who smokes at a gas pump? Seriously dumb people, that's who.
Honesty and Politics
They seem to be mutually exclusive.
I have never been a good liar. In fact, I am almost honest to a fault and often say things to people that don't subscribe to the same kind of honesty I do. I would rather know the truth than have something sugar-coated only to bite me on the rear end later. I also find it very insulting when someone lies when there are ways to easily find out if something is true or not.
A lot of the drama in Mike's family comes from people telling half-truths or total lies depending on the person they are talking to. My mother-in-law recently lied to us to justify a situation. She told us the same story at least a half dozen times to justify herself only to find out in casual conversation with Mike's brother that her story wasn't nearly the whole story. Mike wasn't surprised because there is a long history of this. I had heard stories from Mike, but to experience it first-hand was good for me to see. I now really know why Mike has the relationship he does (or lack thereof) with his mom.
I didn't mean to drag that drama into this post, but it seem to parallel with the irritation I am feeling over politics. I read a lot of news online and it's amazing the lies and half-truths that are being spoken by both candidates. Maybe this is business as usual, but I am new to being politically aware so maybe I am just a little more sensitive about it. I really find it insulting to the intelligence of the American people, but maybe I am overestimating that intelligence.
The day after the debates I read an article that compared what Obama and McCain said with what actually is. Neither of them outright lied, but they more or less did by omission. Partial aspects of many different things were used against the other to make their point. If the whole story had been presented, they would not have been able to get their dig in on their opponent.
Then there's the McCain ad against Obama talking about his ties to a shady Freddie Mac exec. The man doesn't even work for Obama, but the ad leads you to believe he does. Yet one of McCain's main advisors received a $20 million golden parachute when the company she was CEO of failed and 20,000 people lost their jobs. When McCain was asked about it on the Today show, he said he really didn't know the details and that she had worked her way up to CEO from a secretary position, really almost justifying the situation. Seems quite hypocrital to me to criticize someone for the appearance of something bad when you are actually guilty of it yourself.
Recently I found out that both Biden and Obama voted for the Bridge to Nowhere, but all we hear about is Palins involvement with it. McCain didn't vote for it because he just didn't vote.
Then there was Palin's recent comment to someone on the street while she was waiting in line for a piece of pizza. She clearly said that the U.S. should launch cross-border attacks from Afghanistan into Pakistan to "stop the terrorists from coming any further in." McCain had already criticized Obama for having that same opinion. To save face, McCain went on the final interview segment of Palin with Katie Couric to expalin (unintentional typo but I am seeing humor in it) what she meant because McCain clearly knows more about what she meant than Palin does herself. He tried to blame it on the media calling it "gotcha journalism". It was just someone on the street afterall. Couric managed to point out that that man on the street is still a voter. Yet, on the very same day they are blaming this on the media, Palin criticized Biden for saying Obama was against clean coal (he's not) when the question was shouted to him from someone in a crowd. Can you say double standard?
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that base their votes on the misleading sound bites and the infinite number of talking heads spinning their spin that you find on all of the news channels. Not everyone has the time to read the news online like I do. I actually don't know if it is helping me much when it comes down to it anyway. I may just end up voting with my gut. As of right now, I am still undecided.
I have never been a good liar. In fact, I am almost honest to a fault and often say things to people that don't subscribe to the same kind of honesty I do. I would rather know the truth than have something sugar-coated only to bite me on the rear end later. I also find it very insulting when someone lies when there are ways to easily find out if something is true or not.
A lot of the drama in Mike's family comes from people telling half-truths or total lies depending on the person they are talking to. My mother-in-law recently lied to us to justify a situation. She told us the same story at least a half dozen times to justify herself only to find out in casual conversation with Mike's brother that her story wasn't nearly the whole story. Mike wasn't surprised because there is a long history of this. I had heard stories from Mike, but to experience it first-hand was good for me to see. I now really know why Mike has the relationship he does (or lack thereof) with his mom.
I didn't mean to drag that drama into this post, but it seem to parallel with the irritation I am feeling over politics. I read a lot of news online and it's amazing the lies and half-truths that are being spoken by both candidates. Maybe this is business as usual, but I am new to being politically aware so maybe I am just a little more sensitive about it. I really find it insulting to the intelligence of the American people, but maybe I am overestimating that intelligence.
The day after the debates I read an article that compared what Obama and McCain said with what actually is. Neither of them outright lied, but they more or less did by omission. Partial aspects of many different things were used against the other to make their point. If the whole story had been presented, they would not have been able to get their dig in on their opponent.
Then there's the McCain ad against Obama talking about his ties to a shady Freddie Mac exec. The man doesn't even work for Obama, but the ad leads you to believe he does. Yet one of McCain's main advisors received a $20 million golden parachute when the company she was CEO of failed and 20,000 people lost their jobs. When McCain was asked about it on the Today show, he said he really didn't know the details and that she had worked her way up to CEO from a secretary position, really almost justifying the situation. Seems quite hypocrital to me to criticize someone for the appearance of something bad when you are actually guilty of it yourself.
Recently I found out that both Biden and Obama voted for the Bridge to Nowhere, but all we hear about is Palins involvement with it. McCain didn't vote for it because he just didn't vote.
Then there was Palin's recent comment to someone on the street while she was waiting in line for a piece of pizza. She clearly said that the U.S. should launch cross-border attacks from Afghanistan into Pakistan to "stop the terrorists from coming any further in." McCain had already criticized Obama for having that same opinion. To save face, McCain went on the final interview segment of Palin with Katie Couric to expalin (unintentional typo but I am seeing humor in it) what she meant because McCain clearly knows more about what she meant than Palin does herself. He tried to blame it on the media calling it "gotcha journalism". It was just someone on the street afterall. Couric managed to point out that that man on the street is still a voter. Yet, on the very same day they are blaming this on the media, Palin criticized Biden for saying Obama was against clean coal (he's not) when the question was shouted to him from someone in a crowd. Can you say double standard?
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that base their votes on the misleading sound bites and the infinite number of talking heads spinning their spin that you find on all of the news channels. Not everyone has the time to read the news online like I do. I actually don't know if it is helping me much when it comes down to it anyway. I may just end up voting with my gut. As of right now, I am still undecided.
I'm less crazy than I thought
I just got off of the phone with my Dr's nurse and I am feeling much better about things. I have been on the same birth control for over 5 years. After we moved to Montana, I started taking the generic equivalent with no problems. I switched pharmacies earlier this year because the pharmacist at Albertson's left and the replacement was really slow. I'd have to wait 15 minutes sometimes to get a refill that was called in the day before. It's also birth control so it's not like they have to physically count the pills. I filled my prescription once at WalMart because I thought it might qualify as one of their $4 generic prescriptions. They gave me a different generic than I had been taking, but it didn't cross my mind that it would affect me at all.First month on it, I noticed PMS and associated zits that I had not had in YEARS. I thought it might be the pills, but it could have just been a weird month. I then took my prescription to the other grocery store in Belgrade because it was easier to have my scrip there as opposed to 10 minutes away in Bozeman. IGA also gave me the same generic as WalMart but I decided to give it another try. Same PMS thing happened. By this time Albertson's was undergoing a renovation so it was more of a pain to get a refill there so I kept going to IGA. My symptoms continued over the summer, but it wasn't anything I couldn't really deal with. Maybe my body changed. I didn't really think a change from one generic to another would make that big of a difference.
This last week was the last week of my pill packet and BOY did PMS rear it's ugly head yet again. In addition to PMS, I haven't had a sex drive in quite some time. Nothing. As in could care less if it happens again nothing. I have been blaming it on the way I feel about my body because I have gained a lot of weight. I have also thought that maybe I get a lot of my physical contact that a woman needs in holding Piper, but I don't even really want to be touched either. Snuggling does nothing for me. Mike has been so good about not making me feel guilty, but I do a pretty good job making myself feel bad as it is.
I was actually thinking about going off of the pill for a while because it's not like a need it at this point. Why take birth control if you aren't having sex? I supposedly have endometriosis so the pill is supposed to be for more than birth control, but the only reason I even know I have endometriosis is because the doctor saw it when I had my c-section. I haven't had cramps or anything in years so what did I have to lose in going off of the pill.
Recently, it dawned on me that just maybe my PMS issues and my lack of a sex drive and possibly some of my emotional issues I have had this summer might be related to this brand of the generic I was on. So today I finally called my doctor. After explaining my symptoms, the nurse asked my if I was on Tri-Sprintec because many other women have been having the exact same problems I was describing.
You mean it's not just me? You mean I might be able to just take a different pill and feel "normal" again? You mean I might actually want to snuggle up and maybe even make love to my husband again? Words cannot describe the relief I am feeling. I really am less crazy than I thought.
Motivation (rather lack thereof)
I have so many things to do. So many are just things that need to get done like household chores. Others are actually not so bad to-do's, things like getting back to my jewelry taking pictures of me huge jewelry inventory to finally put on Etsy. Reading a book is also one of me to-do's, but that one hasn't been checked off my list for a couple of weeks now. Yet all I want to do is sit on the couch or take a nap. I am stuck between have no motivation to do anything and the guilt of not having done a thing. This feeling is only accentuated today by the fact that Piper had me up twice last night. She fell back to sleep soon after, but it still disrupted my sleep. This mama doesn't do well without sleep and I was trying to make up for the measly 3 hours I had the night before because I was trying to talk Mike's mom down off the proverbial ledge after she picked a huge fight with him (and nothing is ever HER fault) - but that's a whole 'nother story. We had family here 8 out of the last 11 days. Fortunately it wasn't consecutive, but it has only added to my to-do's in more ways than one.
I have so many things I either need to do or want to do and I am so behind I feel like I don't know where to start. So I don't, but that doesn't leave me feeling good either. I want out of this motivation funk. I want to not waste so much time. I want to feel productive. People can excuse me all they want telling me "well, you are busy enough because you have a toddler". Not so. It's a good exuse, but only I know the real truth. Only I know how much time I waste watching TV, reading my email, blogging, and catching up on my Hollywood gossip with Perez.
Yet here I am still at the 'puter and about to pour myself a cup of coffee, put Pip down for the morning nap and plant my butt down on the couch to watch Young & the Restless (another guilty pleasure). The sweeping an dvaccuming aren't going anwhere and the potentially frostbitten garden can wait until later to be inspected (thank you last night's storm for blowing the cover off of my tomatoes). I suppose it will all get done eventually, but we never really get it done - do we?
I have so many things I either need to do or want to do and I am so behind I feel like I don't know where to start. So I don't, but that doesn't leave me feeling good either. I want out of this motivation funk. I want to not waste so much time. I want to feel productive. People can excuse me all they want telling me "well, you are busy enough because you have a toddler". Not so. It's a good exuse, but only I know the real truth. Only I know how much time I waste watching TV, reading my email, blogging, and catching up on my Hollywood gossip with Perez.
Yet here I am still at the 'puter and about to pour myself a cup of coffee, put Pip down for the morning nap and plant my butt down on the couch to watch Young & the Restless (another guilty pleasure). The sweeping an dvaccuming aren't going anwhere and the potentially frostbitten garden can wait until later to be inspected (thank you last night's storm for blowing the cover off of my tomatoes). I suppose it will all get done eventually, but we never really get it done - do we?
Someone get me a tranquility barrier
I came across this old ad recently and it really cracked me up. Click on it to open up a larger version so you can actually read it. I now tell Mike I need a tranquility barrier when I am starting to get irritated. Asking someone for one is actually not too bad of a way to remind yourself to lighten up.
Too lazy to write much now...
so I am just copying some good quotes from a newsletter I am subscribed to and just read today. I also love it when I come across a good quote, especially when the message isn't necessarily new but for some reason it resonates with you more and you are finally "getting it". Enjoy.
"When you release your desire for something, your unhappiness goes. When you release the concern about what somebody else thinks about something, your concern about it goes.
As you realize that you can't handle other people's lives, your worry about them goes.
And when you realize that you can handle your life, your happiness increases."
-- John-Roger
It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.
-- Sydney J. Harris
'Self-Love is our deep personal conviction that, when the music stops, we're absolutely okay. Self-love enables us to take for granted that we're essentially lovable and worthwhile - in and of ourselves and regardless of whatever roles, titles, successes we may (or may not) enjoy. High self-love leads us to trust our feelings and intuition automatically. Because it reinforces our sense of personal rights, it helps us say no, set limits, stick up for ourselves, and keep ourselves safe both physically and emotionally as a natural response to any kind of threat. Self- love lends us much more than the power to care for ourselves as individuals in every way that we can conceive; it empowers us to thrive. It leads us to our mission in life and enables us to experience true emotional intimacy with another." _The New Couple_ by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee)
Ultimately, what we are looking to is the deepest connection within ourselves. As we get more connected to that, we begin to feel in harmony with other people and with the rest of the world.
-- Shakti Gawain
"When you release your desire for something, your unhappiness goes. When you release the concern about what somebody else thinks about something, your concern about it goes.
As you realize that you can't handle other people's lives, your worry about them goes.
And when you realize that you can handle your life, your happiness increases."
-- John-Roger
It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.
-- Sydney J. Harris
'Self-Love is our deep personal conviction that, when the music stops, we're absolutely okay. Self-love enables us to take for granted that we're essentially lovable and worthwhile - in and of ourselves and regardless of whatever roles, titles, successes we may (or may not) enjoy. High self-love leads us to trust our feelings and intuition automatically. Because it reinforces our sense of personal rights, it helps us say no, set limits, stick up for ourselves, and keep ourselves safe both physically and emotionally as a natural response to any kind of threat. Self- love lends us much more than the power to care for ourselves as individuals in every way that we can conceive; it empowers us to thrive. It leads us to our mission in life and enables us to experience true emotional intimacy with another." _The New Couple_ by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee)
Ultimately, what we are looking to is the deepest connection within ourselves. As we get more connected to that, we begin to feel in harmony with other people and with the rest of the world.
-- Shakti Gawain
Sending them my positive thoughts....
I have been reading the archives of Stephanie Nielson since hearing about her on the Today show. I found myself being jealous of her in a way. She's so creative, a seemingly perfect mother, such a nice and genuine person. She seemed to have it all in a way. Then I remembered she is lying in a hospital bed and so is her husband. I doubt the doctors even know if they will live or not. They seem to be doing fine now, but it's always iffy for quite a while for sever burn victims. It's hard to understand how something like this can happen to anyone. In addition to this, the husband lost his sister about 5 years ago and left a 2 month old baby behind. How much can a family go through?
One example of how great of a person Stephanie is can be found here:
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html
Stephanie and a friend with all of their kids wrote happy fortunes on pieces of paper and hid them around town for people to find.
Stephanie's sister has taken in her 4 kids and has a newborn baby herself. I can't imagine having 4 kids of my own, let alone taking care of someone else's 4 kids in addition to my own. Another fine, strong woman to admire. Her blog is here: http://blog.cjanerun.com/
She is continuing to provide updates of her sister and brother-in-law's progress.
It's hard to understand how something like this can happen to anyone, but this seems to have happened to people that are handling themselves extraordinarily considering the circumstances.
One example of how great of a person Stephanie is can be found here:
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html
Stephanie and a friend with all of their kids wrote happy fortunes on pieces of paper and hid them around town for people to find.
Stephanie's sister has taken in her 4 kids and has a newborn baby herself. I can't imagine having 4 kids of my own, let alone taking care of someone else's 4 kids in addition to my own. Another fine, strong woman to admire. Her blog is here: http://blog.cjanerun.com/
She is continuing to provide updates of her sister and brother-in-law's progress.
It's hard to understand how something like this can happen to anyone, but this seems to have happened to people that are handling themselves extraordinarily considering the circumstances.
On a lighter note...
At least he respected his mom's wishes...
FOND DU LAC, Wis. - A 54-year-old man says his obsessive-compulsive disorder drove him to eat 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years.
Fifty-four-year-old Don Gorske says he hit the milestone last month, continuing a pleasurable obsession that began May 17, 1972 when he got his first car.
Gorske has kept every burger receipt in a box. He says he was always fascinated with numbers, and watching McDonald's track its number of customers motivated him to track his own consumption.
The only day he skipped a Big Mac was the day his mother died, to respect her request.
The correctional-institution employee says he doesn't care when people call his Big Mac obsession crazy. He says he's in love with the burgers, which are the highlights of his days.
___
NieNie Dialogues
I just heard about this woman on the Today Show. She is originally from Provo. She's evidently been blogging for a couple of years now and has 1000s of people that read her blog. The blog is all about her family. The reason she made the news is that Stephanie and her husband were in a plane crash last month and she was burned over 83% of her body. Both of them are still in critical condition.
There is a fundraiser for the family and one of her sisters started a blog to post updates because the outpouring of support and inquiries about their condition became overwhelming. Go here to read more about Stephanie: http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com
There is a fundraiser for the family and one of her sisters started a blog to post updates because the outpouring of support and inquiries about their condition became overwhelming. Go here to read more about Stephanie: http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com
New Layout, Again
I liked my last layout, but it bugged me that my widgets on the side didn't fit in the allotted area. I am so picky when it comes to something like this, but I think I found a good one.
I like this background because I love how intoxicatingly blue a cloudless sky can be. I also like the dandelion for a couple of reasons. First, it represents overlooked beauty. Even though it is a noxious weed, it still has a beauty of it's own - even as it dies. I also like how the seeded dandelion head reminds me of blowing them as a kid. It is still fun to do even now.
I like this background because I love how intoxicatingly blue a cloudless sky can be. I also like the dandelion for a couple of reasons. First, it represents overlooked beauty. Even though it is a noxious weed, it still has a beauty of it's own - even as it dies. I also like how the seeded dandelion head reminds me of blowing them as a kid. It is still fun to do even now.
Politics, Schmolitics
The picture above has nothing to do with my post, but it's a good way to break up all the text on the page and it's also a flower from my flower garden. The bloom lasts for 2 days and this one even struggled to look this good due to the intense sun/heat and crappy soil. Oh, I miss Cache Valley soil.OK, back to why I am here.
I have been pretty uninterested in politics most of my life. Like so many other people my age, the combination of being more "grown-up", our frustration with the current state of things, and history being made before our eyes has actually inspired me into paying attention to what is going on in the presidential election. I have by no means become a junkie about it, but I really want to make a vote I can stand by this November.
If I had to declare my political affiliation, I think I would have to say I was Libertarian - but that's only if I had to label. I don't believe in being on one side or the other, but that's what our 2 party system has forced our country into. There are aspects of both the Republican and Democratic Party that represent me.
Initially, I was leaning toward McCain, but now I am leaning toward Obama. Part of what has turned me off on McCain is how he is campaigning. It's all anti-Obama. While this is commonplace in elections, Obama didn't start doing it until recently (at least on the stations I watch). After a certain point, I guess you can't blame him. I saw a clip of Obama where someone asked him about all of McCain's attacks. His reply was something to the effect that he is sure spending more time criticizing me than trying to promote himself. I thought that was a really good response. Imagine how much more we would learn about a canidate if they spent more time talking about themselves and less about their opponent?
Another thing that I have been surprised by is the lack of attention to McCain's first wife. Evidently, McCain was quite the ladies' man back in the day. When he finally settled down pre-Vietnam, he married a swimsuit model. Looks were very important to him and he was known for being vain. While he has in Vietnam, the first wife was in a horrible car accident. They had to remove portions of both of her legs. When he came home, she was inches shorter and had gained a fair amount of weight. McCain tried to deal with it, but eventually started stepping out on her. The first wife knew, but couldn't blame him because she felt so bad about her own appearances. He started seeing Cindy McCain long before he was divorced. I am pretty sure he married Cindy WEEKS after his divorce was finalized. Ross Perot was a good friend of the McCains at the time and even he was cold to John over this. The first wife is still alive and to this day has not uttered a negative word about McCain. You can google for this to find more info on it. In light of the whole John Edwards affair, I really am surprised that this hasn't popped up in the news. Especially since so many people think the media leans to the left. It may have been in the past, but even Bush's DUI from college made it into the news.
This may seem silly to some that something like this would have an effect on my vote, but call me old-fashioned. I guess I want a president I can respect. I do find it a bit ironic, however, that the once handsome and vain McCain is running against someone much youngerand more handsome. With that in mind, I can see how Obama's "celebrity" status is irritating to McCain. During the last presidential election, McCain was the media's favorite. He's now been replaced with a new and improved model. Almost seems like a bit of karma there.
Now with the whole nomination of the governor of Alaska for VP. I heard her acceptance speech and I was impressed with her ideals, but this is clearly a move to take all of Hillary's supporters that don't want to vote for Obama. While it may be a good move according to the voter numbers, but what does it say about McCain. He made this deicision totally unexpectedly and so uncoincidentally the day after Obama's inspiring acceptance speech. It's clearly a move to win by number of votes, not what he really believes in. This woman was only elected governor 2 years ago and her only other political experience was mayor of her hometown of 9000 people. What has been McCain biggest beef about Obama? Inexperience! McCain's camp said as governor, she has been in charge of the Alaska National Guard for 2 years so that gives her "experience". In addition to all of that, this woman has a 4 month old baby with Down's Syndrome. Call me old-fashioned again, but I don't think that running for VP she be her top priority right now.
And another thing that has annoyed me was how Obama was criticized in the media for choosing Biden because his selction of someone strong in foreign policy only confirms he is weak in it himself. No duh. If he picked someone weak in foreign policy, wouldn't he be criticized for just being even weaker? Seriously.
You would think I am anti-McCain by now and all fired up, which I am really not. This just serves as good conversation when you are in the company of people you can actually talk politics to and not get into an argument. I don't believe in being anti-anything really. While I have never been Bush's biggest fan, one of the best things about leaving USU was leaving the liberal Bush-bashing environment I was in. It's much better to be for something than against. More things can be achieved when you are working for something as opposed to against something.
Now I just need to figure out who I really am for.
Update - Just found this in the news: http://snipurl.com/3l3kf
Between her inexperience and potential for impeachment, McCain may have screwed up big time. He had to have known about this. It would be too bad to see him lose over what seems to be a hasty decision, yet if he can have such poor judgment concerning his choice in VP - what else would he have poor judgment with?
I love Mondays
I never thought I would ever say that. I know it helps that I don't have a M-F job. Mondays just means the start of a new week. Mondays are a chance to make up for being lazy over the weekend. Mondays don't care about all of the things you didn't accomplish last week. Mondays are like a blank slate allowing me to start anew and fresh.
Seems like a good time to remind myself what I am thankful for...
- I am thankful for Piper's strong immune system. Despite her parents both being sick, she only ran a temp of 102 for an afternoon and has had more boogers than normal. I am finally done with my lingering cold. Mike got the cold and a fever which were exacerbated by his 4000 foot nearly vertical hike at work last week. He finally had to go to the doctor and the doctor told him to stay at low elevations until it clears up. While I am sorry he's not feeling totally well, I am happy the doctor told him that because he was going to be leaving for his 4th week in a row to work somewhere above 10,000 feet. I am tired of being a single parent on the weekdays.
- I am thankful that September is almost here. I always thought that summer was my favorite season, but not it is fall and spring. I love the change and transition these seasons bring. I love a bit of a nip in the air. I love the smell in the air during the fall. As my sister once said, it makes you a bit nostalgic for some reason. I'll try to embrace this feeling as we approach 99 degrees today...
- This is a big one - I am thankful for Piper sleeping in until nearly 7am for 3 days in a row. She's been on the 5:30am wake-up for months now. Her napping schedule is up in the air as she figures her new schedule out, but that's OK if I can sleep in until a more decent hour.
- I am thankful for the internet and how it helps me feel connected to people at a time in my life when I don't have many meaningful connections in my 3D world.
- I love that I started reading a novel for the first time in over 2 years (gasp!). I am embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. I finally told myself I couldn't buy another book until I did read something. That plan didn't exactly work, but I guess I have plenty to choose from to read now. I think I just found too many other ways to waste my time (can you say too much internet?). I started reading Eat, Pray, Love and I am finding it a very timely read for me.
- I love remembering how social of a person I am, even in just casual situations. I think that was why I was so suited for being a waitress for so many years. I just like interacting with people. I think a lot of my low points this summer have been due to lack of social interaction. I got a Pip-free afternoon to run errands because my was home sick. I was surprised at how satisfying my friendly interactions with the deli clerk, pharmacist, and cashier and Walmart were. Seems silly, but it was nice to be friendly to them and I am sure they appreciated it because they probably put up with a lot of crap working at Walmart. I stopped in to see if anyone I knew was working where I kinda sorta still work. They just remodeled the restaurant and bar there and I hadn't been in since it was finished. I think it may be the nicest place in Bozeman now. Anyhow, none of my friends were there so I ended up sitting and having a couple of drinks with the regulars because I wasn't ready to go home yet. I really don't know these men well, but it was so nice to laugh and joke with someone other than my husband for a change, even if they were men in their 50s and 60s. It was just nice to have some people contact again. It's funny that this self-professed homebody needs the social interaction. Guess that's why the Myers-Briggs test told be back in the day that I was an introverted-extrovert.
- I am thankful for my bargain-hunting, money-saving nature. The increase in the price of just about everything is almost like a personal challenge for me to be even better at getting a deal.
- I am thankful my supportive, tolerant, patient, and loving husband. Our 11th anniversary is this coming Friday and he has been with me through 2 identity crises. I am certainly not the person he married, but I love that he has allowed me to become who I am today.
- I am thankful for Piper needing my attention right now because I have been online for too long this morning.
Seems like a good time to remind myself what I am thankful for...
- I am thankful for Piper's strong immune system. Despite her parents both being sick, she only ran a temp of 102 for an afternoon and has had more boogers than normal. I am finally done with my lingering cold. Mike got the cold and a fever which were exacerbated by his 4000 foot nearly vertical hike at work last week. He finally had to go to the doctor and the doctor told him to stay at low elevations until it clears up. While I am sorry he's not feeling totally well, I am happy the doctor told him that because he was going to be leaving for his 4th week in a row to work somewhere above 10,000 feet. I am tired of being a single parent on the weekdays.
- I am thankful that September is almost here. I always thought that summer was my favorite season, but not it is fall and spring. I love the change and transition these seasons bring. I love a bit of a nip in the air. I love the smell in the air during the fall. As my sister once said, it makes you a bit nostalgic for some reason. I'll try to embrace this feeling as we approach 99 degrees today...
- This is a big one - I am thankful for Piper sleeping in until nearly 7am for 3 days in a row. She's been on the 5:30am wake-up for months now. Her napping schedule is up in the air as she figures her new schedule out, but that's OK if I can sleep in until a more decent hour.
- I am thankful for the internet and how it helps me feel connected to people at a time in my life when I don't have many meaningful connections in my 3D world.
- I love that I started reading a novel for the first time in over 2 years (gasp!). I am embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. I finally told myself I couldn't buy another book until I did read something. That plan didn't exactly work, but I guess I have plenty to choose from to read now. I think I just found too many other ways to waste my time (can you say too much internet?). I started reading Eat, Pray, Love and I am finding it a very timely read for me.
- I love remembering how social of a person I am, even in just casual situations. I think that was why I was so suited for being a waitress for so many years. I just like interacting with people. I think a lot of my low points this summer have been due to lack of social interaction. I got a Pip-free afternoon to run errands because my was home sick. I was surprised at how satisfying my friendly interactions with the deli clerk, pharmacist, and cashier and Walmart were. Seems silly, but it was nice to be friendly to them and I am sure they appreciated it because they probably put up with a lot of crap working at Walmart. I stopped in to see if anyone I knew was working where I kinda sorta still work. They just remodeled the restaurant and bar there and I hadn't been in since it was finished. I think it may be the nicest place in Bozeman now. Anyhow, none of my friends were there so I ended up sitting and having a couple of drinks with the regulars because I wasn't ready to go home yet. I really don't know these men well, but it was so nice to laugh and joke with someone other than my husband for a change, even if they were men in their 50s and 60s. It was just nice to have some people contact again. It's funny that this self-professed homebody needs the social interaction. Guess that's why the Myers-Briggs test told be back in the day that I was an introverted-extrovert.
- I am thankful for my bargain-hunting, money-saving nature. The increase in the price of just about everything is almost like a personal challenge for me to be even better at getting a deal.
- I am thankful my supportive, tolerant, patient, and loving husband. Our 11th anniversary is this coming Friday and he has been with me through 2 identity crises. I am certainly not the person he married, but I love that he has allowed me to become who I am today.
- I am thankful for Piper needing my attention right now because I have been online for too long this morning.
Update on the water situation
Friday after lunch, Piper started to feel really hot and started looking not like herself. I eventually took her temperature and it was 102. She hadn't had diarrhea so I wasn't super worried, but it was pretty coincidental for her to get sick considering the late notice on the water restrictions. I had a cold this week, but no fever or anything. I ended up calling the doctor just to check in at least put my doctor on notice that she had a fever. The doctor's office told me there was a virus going around so it may just be that, but to keep an eye on her. I gave her some Tylenol and she went down for a nap. She woke up later feeling much cooler, but I wasn't going to hold my breath yet.
That evening on the 5:30 news, the water test results were revealed and it turned out the water was safe. I got an automated call about an hour later from the health department telling me the same thing. Why didn't I receive an automated call telling me the water was contaminated in the first place is what I would like to know. The article in yesterday's paper mentioned there were a lot of people that were seriously irritated about the late notification. The city has yet to comment on the delay.
I know Belgrade is small, but we do have over 10,000 people. You would think they would have some sort of plan for notifying residents whenever something like this occurs or any other emergency. I guess I have to remember that I do live in Montana and we're a little behind the times here. Belgrade has also more than doubled in size in the last 10 years. Belgrade became the place for those that refused to pay Bozeman's outrageous housing prices. The infrastructure is continually playing catch-up pretty much throughout the valley.
Piper's fever never came back. I guess she had the 4-hour bug. I have been so lucky with her. This is only the third fever she has ever ran and the other 2 were after vaccinations. I have had 2 colds in the last year that she hasn't caught. I am also not a germaphobe. She probably gets exposed to much more than she needs to ;-) but maybe that's the secret. I have had a pretty good immune system all of my life. 2 colds in a year is actually a lot for me. I hope she continues to be like me that way.
That evening on the 5:30 news, the water test results were revealed and it turned out the water was safe. I got an automated call about an hour later from the health department telling me the same thing. Why didn't I receive an automated call telling me the water was contaminated in the first place is what I would like to know. The article in yesterday's paper mentioned there were a lot of people that were seriously irritated about the late notification. The city has yet to comment on the delay.
I know Belgrade is small, but we do have over 10,000 people. You would think they would have some sort of plan for notifying residents whenever something like this occurs or any other emergency. I guess I have to remember that I do live in Montana and we're a little behind the times here. Belgrade has also more than doubled in size in the last 10 years. Belgrade became the place for those that refused to pay Bozeman's outrageous housing prices. The infrastructure is continually playing catch-up pretty much throughout the valley.
Piper's fever never came back. I guess she had the 4-hour bug. I have been so lucky with her. This is only the third fever she has ever ran and the other 2 were after vaccinations. I have had 2 colds in the last year that she hasn't caught. I am also not a germaphobe. She probably gets exposed to much more than she needs to ;-) but maybe that's the secret. I have had a pretty good immune system all of my life. 2 colds in a year is actually a lot for me. I hope she continues to be like me that way.
Looking past the crap in my water
Last night we received water restrictions because some idiot forgot to turn our city water back online after a software update which may have resulted in not only fecal coliform bacteria, but also an unknown cocktail of chemicals going into our water supply. Basically, wastewater might have back-siphoned into the storage tank. The chemicals mean that boiling is not sufficient and may only concentrate the chemicals as water boils off. They are not certain that the water is contaminated as they are still waiting for results, but you still don't want to take the chance. If contamination did occur, it may take a week before we can drink the water again.
This happened Tuesday night, yet the only reason I even found out was because the person I freecycled some baby stuff to yesterday emailed me the announcement from the health department. Fortunately, Mike got home a day early and was able to go to the store to buy some bottled water. Piper had already gone to bed so I would have had to drag her out. By the time he went to the store, he watched the last water taken off the shelf at IGA and someone in the parking lot told him Albertson's was already cleaned out. He was able to purchase the last 6 liters from a gas station on the far side of town.
It finally made the news last night, but why so late? Normally, this wouldn't annoy me that much, but now that I have little Pip I have much more to be concerned about. I have also never experienced water restrictions that boiling couldn't solve. That just presents a whole new level of challenges. Instead of continuing with my rant, I want to take some time to express some positive aspects to help me from focusing on the problem at hand. Maybe it will turn out that the contamination never occurred after all.
- I am thankful that I have always lived where water tasted good right out of the tap. This says a lot for me because I am a bit of a water snob. I don't even like most bottled waters, but a lot are just filtered tap water anyway.
- I am thankful I live in a country where we have running water that (normally) won't make you sick.
- I love that our water tastes better than Bozeman water just 10 miles away. I can actually smell the chlorine in Bozeman water if it's not chilled. I will say Bozeman water is better than buying a ton as Mike is filling up 2 5-gallon jugs today at his office.
- I love bleach. Clorox for hard surfaces and a little bit of bleach at the end of the dishwasher cycle should do the trick in the kitchen.
- I am thankful that Piper and I have not experienced any symptoms despite drinking water all day Wednesday and Thursday. It is interesting that my cold set in late Tuesday night, but I don't think that's from the water.
- I am glad that this inconvenience is only temporary.
This happened Tuesday night, yet the only reason I even found out was because the person I freecycled some baby stuff to yesterday emailed me the announcement from the health department. Fortunately, Mike got home a day early and was able to go to the store to buy some bottled water. Piper had already gone to bed so I would have had to drag her out. By the time he went to the store, he watched the last water taken off the shelf at IGA and someone in the parking lot told him Albertson's was already cleaned out. He was able to purchase the last 6 liters from a gas station on the far side of town.
It finally made the news last night, but why so late? Normally, this wouldn't annoy me that much, but now that I have little Pip I have much more to be concerned about. I have also never experienced water restrictions that boiling couldn't solve. That just presents a whole new level of challenges. Instead of continuing with my rant, I want to take some time to express some positive aspects to help me from focusing on the problem at hand. Maybe it will turn out that the contamination never occurred after all.
- I am thankful that I have always lived where water tasted good right out of the tap. This says a lot for me because I am a bit of a water snob. I don't even like most bottled waters, but a lot are just filtered tap water anyway.
- I am thankful I live in a country where we have running water that (normally) won't make you sick.
- I love that our water tastes better than Bozeman water just 10 miles away. I can actually smell the chlorine in Bozeman water if it's not chilled. I will say Bozeman water is better than buying a ton as Mike is filling up 2 5-gallon jugs today at his office.
- I love bleach. Clorox for hard surfaces and a little bit of bleach at the end of the dishwasher cycle should do the trick in the kitchen.
- I am thankful that Piper and I have not experienced any symptoms despite drinking water all day Wednesday and Thursday. It is interesting that my cold set in late Tuesday night, but I don't think that's from the water.
- I am glad that this inconvenience is only temporary.
Better today
First a good quote that I just received:
"Did you know that..
The only bondage that exist is that self inflicted bondage of having habits
of thoughts upon things that hurt when you think about them.
And, you might be recalling sometime before you were so aware in being
a deliberate creator that you focused on things that hurt you.
And you know, when your energy is moving as fast as its moving and
when you focus on something in opposition, your gonna feel it in a keen
way. Don't worry about that, just lift off that thought and find one that feels better. In time you will find that nothing will hurt you, because you have the power to focus where you will focus!"
Abraham-Hicks Phoenix, AZ 1-3-2008
Feeling much better today. Who knew that writing could help me so much. It's sorta like a mental release, like writing the words helps to releases the energy attached to them.
Another quote that I found a couple of months later is also a good one:
Lots to do today. We are having a garage sale with the neighbors Friday and Saturday and Mike had to go out of town unexpectedly so I am trying to get all of the together. It's so nice to get rid of unwanted or severely under-used items in the house. It generally just makes room for more, but they are usually better things that replace them so it all works out.
Not going to write much today, but want to list some things I am appreciating to help keep me on the brighter path.
- I love that Piper slept in until 5:30 this morning. Her nap schedule is readjusting and she was having a fit at 5 last night so she went to bed shortly thereafter. I thought for sure I would be up when I wanted to go to bed or up way early the next day. I was smart enough to go to bed early myself so we are both well-rested.
- I love that my whole personal drama that I have been dealing with has shown me that I have better places to put my focus. Maybe I need to worry less about having the idealistic friend and focus on the bright little being that I am raising.
- I love that I have been interacting with my neighbor more on a personal level. She never fit my idea of someone that could be my friend. Maybe I have been limiting myself by wanting to much in a person.
- I love how blogging is helping me to reconnect with people and helping me to express myself.
- I love that most of the stuff I need to sort through for the garage sale is in the cool basement.
- I love the internet for too many reasons to list.
"Did you know that..
The only bondage that exist is that self inflicted bondage of having habits
of thoughts upon things that hurt when you think about them.
And, you might be recalling sometime before you were so aware in being
a deliberate creator that you focused on things that hurt you.
And you know, when your energy is moving as fast as its moving and
when you focus on something in opposition, your gonna feel it in a keen
way. Don't worry about that, just lift off that thought and find one that feels better. In time you will find that nothing will hurt you, because you have the power to focus where you will focus!"
Abraham-Hicks Phoenix, AZ 1-3-2008
Feeling much better today. Who knew that writing could help me so much. It's sorta like a mental release, like writing the words helps to releases the energy attached to them.
Another quote that I found a couple of months later is also a good one:
Lots to do today. We are having a garage sale with the neighbors Friday and Saturday and Mike had to go out of town unexpectedly so I am trying to get all of the together. It's so nice to get rid of unwanted or severely under-used items in the house. It generally just makes room for more, but they are usually better things that replace them so it all works out.
Not going to write much today, but want to list some things I am appreciating to help keep me on the brighter path.
- I love that Piper slept in until 5:30 this morning. Her nap schedule is readjusting and she was having a fit at 5 last night so she went to bed shortly thereafter. I thought for sure I would be up when I wanted to go to bed or up way early the next day. I was smart enough to go to bed early myself so we are both well-rested.
- I love that my whole personal drama that I have been dealing with has shown me that I have better places to put my focus. Maybe I need to worry less about having the idealistic friend and focus on the bright little being that I am raising.
- I love that I have been interacting with my neighbor more on a personal level. She never fit my idea of someone that could be my friend. Maybe I have been limiting myself by wanting to much in a person.
- I love how blogging is helping me to reconnect with people and helping me to express myself.
- I love that most of the stuff I need to sort through for the garage sale is in the cool basement.
- I love the internet for too many reasons to list.
Quit it Erin, you're doing it again
This is quite personal for a blog, but I am in need of some therapy. Writing here and knowing someone actually reads this and cares means a lot to me so thanks to my friends that do. I have had a rough couple of days and I am really emotionally drained. I can't stop rerunning it through my head and I really need to stop it. I know better, yet I have allowed this to make me lose sleep and lose my appetite (although that's not totally a bad thing). Sleep has been welcoming when it does come because it has been a chance to disconnect and there's always the first few moments upon awakening that your mind is clean and fresh.
A friend and I are having a serious difference in opinion on a situation and it has shown a side to her that makes me think I am not sure I can trust my feelings with again. I know she feels justified, but I also do, too. We both have a lot emotional baggage so we are both viewing the situation through our own distorted filter, but like she said - I need to stand up for myself. I do too, but a problem arises when your value systems do not line up with each other. What may be acceptable to one, is not necessarily acceptable to another.
I let her know my vulnerabilities, more so than any other friend I have ever had. She also shared a lot about herself with me. I felt like there was a level of personal tolerance between us because we both knew we had our own issues, often very similar, that we were currently trying to work though. I think that is why this bothers me as much as it does.
I have only known her for about a year, but the friendship with her has allowed me to grow in so many ways. I really made an effort to be a better friend because I haven't always handled things well with friends in the past. This was a chance for me to change. I have, but I guess not enough, at least for this realtionship.
So as with all negative situations, I am trying to find the things I have learned from this situation so I know that it wasn't all a huge waste of time and energy. Things generally happen for reason and people come into (and out of) your life for a reason.
What I've learned...
I need to be more selective in my friends. Moving to Montana wasn't a huge culture shock. I've lived in the intermountain west my entire life. One difference I was looking forward to in Montana was a variety of religions. I also lived all of my life inside the "Zion Curtain". I am no longer active in the Mormon church for a number of reasons, but living in Montana is helping me remember all of the good things I gained from my being a part of that religion - especially when it comes to work ethics, character, and the golden rule. Those don't totally apply to my current situation, but I think they do a bit in ways peripherally.
I haven't had many friends since moving to Montana. Moving from grad school to professional career and then to a typically service-oriented, high school diploma world has been interesting. I am not trying to be snobby. I don't want to go back to the professional world and not everyone is meant for higher education. It has been really nice to be free of so many responsibilities and accountability for a change. I have always been Miss Responsible. Yet outside of that world is a lot of people lacking commitment. I never realized how big of a deal that was to me until someone wasn't holding their's with me. I don't think that holding one's word should be such an effort, but I have met A LOT of people here that have a hard time doing do. I shouldn't expect them to change, but I shouldn't have to settle either.
Sometimes a door opens when another door closes. This friend was a mentor of sorts, but I don't think she realized it because I have such an independent attitude. She is a psychic and is knowledgeable in many metaphysical areas. I loved interacting with her because I had never had anyone I could discuss those kind of things with before. The same day this all went down is the same day I found out for sure that I am taking the clairvoyant class. Maybe this situation was just a springboard for other better things.
Be careful being friends with a psychic. Things that I was trying to work through internally because of her must have been very apparent. Yeah, she was annoying me but I was really trying to get past it.
Maybe I am kind of a drag to talk to right now. I have never in my life had someone tell me that, but I also have never felt this low before. I don't think I would call myself full-blown depressed because I was an extremely upbeat person to begin with, but I know I have been in a bit of a funk for some time now. I guess I expected a little more sensitivity from a friend, but maybe it's the wake-up call that I have been needing (in more ways than one). I get what I focus upon.
My husband is really my best friend. It's not that I didn't really know it. He wasn't supposed to be home last night. He had the fortunate timing of calling me during the phone call with my friend. I didn't know when I was going to hear from him again because he was going camping for work so I took that as my opportunity to get out of the emotional lashing I was taking. Turned out he was on his way home. He was so supportive at listening and he knew the effort I had put into the situation. Maybe he has more than I realized in what I have been looking for in a girlfriend.
Maybe having a girlfriend that is the whole package is too idealistic. In the variety of friends that I have that have no connection to each other, I am realizing that maybe I just need to have different categories of friends . Maybe having one that is the whole package for me is too much to ask because I am who I am. Maybe I need to reevaluate why having a close friend like that is so important to me.
OK, done spewing for now. I know my list could probably go on, but I have been typing for a while and this feels like a good place to stop. Time for a glass of wine.
A friend and I are having a serious difference in opinion on a situation and it has shown a side to her that makes me think I am not sure I can trust my feelings with again. I know she feels justified, but I also do, too. We both have a lot emotional baggage so we are both viewing the situation through our own distorted filter, but like she said - I need to stand up for myself. I do too, but a problem arises when your value systems do not line up with each other. What may be acceptable to one, is not necessarily acceptable to another.
I let her know my vulnerabilities, more so than any other friend I have ever had. She also shared a lot about herself with me. I felt like there was a level of personal tolerance between us because we both knew we had our own issues, often very similar, that we were currently trying to work though. I think that is why this bothers me as much as it does.
I have only known her for about a year, but the friendship with her has allowed me to grow in so many ways. I really made an effort to be a better friend because I haven't always handled things well with friends in the past. This was a chance for me to change. I have, but I guess not enough, at least for this realtionship.
So as with all negative situations, I am trying to find the things I have learned from this situation so I know that it wasn't all a huge waste of time and energy. Things generally happen for reason and people come into (and out of) your life for a reason.
What I've learned...
I need to be more selective in my friends. Moving to Montana wasn't a huge culture shock. I've lived in the intermountain west my entire life. One difference I was looking forward to in Montana was a variety of religions. I also lived all of my life inside the "Zion Curtain". I am no longer active in the Mormon church for a number of reasons, but living in Montana is helping me remember all of the good things I gained from my being a part of that religion - especially when it comes to work ethics, character, and the golden rule. Those don't totally apply to my current situation, but I think they do a bit in ways peripherally.
I haven't had many friends since moving to Montana. Moving from grad school to professional career and then to a typically service-oriented, high school diploma world has been interesting. I am not trying to be snobby. I don't want to go back to the professional world and not everyone is meant for higher education. It has been really nice to be free of so many responsibilities and accountability for a change. I have always been Miss Responsible. Yet outside of that world is a lot of people lacking commitment. I never realized how big of a deal that was to me until someone wasn't holding their's with me. I don't think that holding one's word should be such an effort, but I have met A LOT of people here that have a hard time doing do. I shouldn't expect them to change, but I shouldn't have to settle either.
Sometimes a door opens when another door closes. This friend was a mentor of sorts, but I don't think she realized it because I have such an independent attitude. She is a psychic and is knowledgeable in many metaphysical areas. I loved interacting with her because I had never had anyone I could discuss those kind of things with before. The same day this all went down is the same day I found out for sure that I am taking the clairvoyant class. Maybe this situation was just a springboard for other better things.
Be careful being friends with a psychic. Things that I was trying to work through internally because of her must have been very apparent. Yeah, she was annoying me but I was really trying to get past it.
Maybe I am kind of a drag to talk to right now. I have never in my life had someone tell me that, but I also have never felt this low before. I don't think I would call myself full-blown depressed because I was an extremely upbeat person to begin with, but I know I have been in a bit of a funk for some time now. I guess I expected a little more sensitivity from a friend, but maybe it's the wake-up call that I have been needing (in more ways than one). I get what I focus upon.
My husband is really my best friend. It's not that I didn't really know it. He wasn't supposed to be home last night. He had the fortunate timing of calling me during the phone call with my friend. I didn't know when I was going to hear from him again because he was going camping for work so I took that as my opportunity to get out of the emotional lashing I was taking. Turned out he was on his way home. He was so supportive at listening and he knew the effort I had put into the situation. Maybe he has more than I realized in what I have been looking for in a girlfriend.
Maybe having a girlfriend that is the whole package is too idealistic. In the variety of friends that I have that have no connection to each other, I am realizing that maybe I just need to have different categories of friends . Maybe having one that is the whole package for me is too much to ask because I am who I am. Maybe I need to reevaluate why having a close friend like that is so important to me.
OK, done spewing for now. I know my list could probably go on, but I have been typing for a while and this feels like a good place to stop. Time for a glass of wine.
Afternoon Ramblings
I wish I had the time to post all the things that I think about posting. I have some pretty good ideas come to me at random times of the day. I should really write them down because when I do have the time, I have the tendency to draw a blank.
I took a Level 1 EFT class over the weekend. EFT is based on the same principles of acupressure and acupuncture. The I heard about it from a friend about 7 or 8 years ago. Back then, it seemed a little to hokey for me. I came across a local practitioner over the winter and decided to give it a try. It still seemed hokey to me, but I was a little more informed and much more open-minded than I had been then. I was also impressed with the fact that there is a TON of free info on the official web site and you can do EFT on yourself.
EFT can be used on emotional or physical issues. It's hard to quantify improvements in emotional states. Physical problems are obviously easier to measure. I saw first-hand evidence of both. I saw one woman that felt guilty because her mom fell outside, was outside all night and subsequently died. This woman couldn't have done anything about it, she didn't know until right before her mom died - but she was riddled with what ifs? We've all been there. With just a few minutes of EFT, she was able to retell the story of what happened in detail with out experiencing any negative emotion. In fact, she laughed because she was so surprised because she couldn't even tell the story without crying prior to that. Later while working in teams of 2, I helped a woman regain more feeling in her finger that had been numb for the last 9 months due to a surgery. Kathy, the practitioner, had started the process earlier, but we got even further when just the 2 of us were doing it.
On a somewhat sour note, I put not one, but both of my feet in my mouth. Coincidentally, or rather not, the wife (or ex-wife I thought) of my former supervisor happened to be in my class. I thought it was a funny, but cool, coincidence because from what little I knew of her we could get along and I also thought I shared a mutual dislike of her husband with her. I introduced myself and told her I had heard she had gotten divorced. Her response, "Divorce? We're not divorced." and then went on the ask if I knew that they moved and that he was still doing well working at the Marlboro Ranch (that's Marlboro as in cigarettes and yes there really is one but it has a less tacky name)
Wha? I had heard this secondhand from a good friend that talked directly with him. Well, it turned out that my friend had said they were separated, but POSSIBLY getting divorced. Oops. She did introduce herself during the class by her maiden name and I know she didn't even go by her maiden name professionally. I later offered an apology for even mentioning it and left it at that.
I felt bad, but I really didn't know and what little I know of their marriage and financial situation and ALL that I know about Walter's character, a divorce was not a surprise to me. I felt embarrassed. I honestly can't believe I brought such a thing up in retrospect. All I can say is that it is karma for Walter. He has a serious problem of running his mouth off and getting himself in trouble. I had no ill intent and if they are working on things he shouldn't be telling people he's not living at home and possibly getting a divorce and that he is tired of supporting his mother-in-law, etc.
He was such a major double-talker and told people what they wanted to hear even if it was opposite of what he told someone else and it all finally caught up to him. I could tolerate his immature BS, even for a 40 year old man, but I know he knew I saw through his charade. He had also talked a lot of crap to me about others. Once he realized I wasn't playing his games anymore and saw him for who he really was, things changed. We never had any confrontation of any kind, I think it was more what I didn't say that clued him in. He started cutting my hours. I may just be a part-time banquet server, but I make $15-$25 dollars an hour and I don't have to talk to people unless they ask for something. He told my current supervisor that the reason he cut my hours was because I wasn't thankful enough for the ones he gave me?!?! It had nothing to do with the fact that I was questioning why someone he hired to be my replacement months before I even took maternity leave then starts giving them my hours despite the fact that I even brought him a Dr.'s note OKing me for work. Fortunately for me, I eventually quit to have Piper and when the opportunity to come back arose, he had moved on to Emphysema Acres. That's not the only thing he said about me either. If he hadn't moved on and if others hadn't finally saw through the BS, too, I would be seriously pissed, but I also know that people know me well enough to question what he told them. Now I can laugh off how ridiculous he acted and feel vindicated in knowing I saw his true character almost from the start. It just took others a bit longer to see that the everyone's buddy was really a slimy weasel.
As evil as it sounds, I can't help but take a small bit of satisfaction in knowing I caused some trouble for him. I am just sorry his (ex)wife may have been upset over it.
I took a Level 1 EFT class over the weekend. EFT is based on the same principles of acupressure and acupuncture. The I heard about it from a friend about 7 or 8 years ago. Back then, it seemed a little to hokey for me. I came across a local practitioner over the winter and decided to give it a try. It still seemed hokey to me, but I was a little more informed and much more open-minded than I had been then. I was also impressed with the fact that there is a TON of free info on the official web site and you can do EFT on yourself.
EFT can be used on emotional or physical issues. It's hard to quantify improvements in emotional states. Physical problems are obviously easier to measure. I saw first-hand evidence of both. I saw one woman that felt guilty because her mom fell outside, was outside all night and subsequently died. This woman couldn't have done anything about it, she didn't know until right before her mom died - but she was riddled with what ifs? We've all been there. With just a few minutes of EFT, she was able to retell the story of what happened in detail with out experiencing any negative emotion. In fact, she laughed because she was so surprised because she couldn't even tell the story without crying prior to that. Later while working in teams of 2, I helped a woman regain more feeling in her finger that had been numb for the last 9 months due to a surgery. Kathy, the practitioner, had started the process earlier, but we got even further when just the 2 of us were doing it.
On a somewhat sour note, I put not one, but both of my feet in my mouth. Coincidentally, or rather not, the wife (or ex-wife I thought) of my former supervisor happened to be in my class. I thought it was a funny, but cool, coincidence because from what little I knew of her we could get along and I also thought I shared a mutual dislike of her husband with her. I introduced myself and told her I had heard she had gotten divorced. Her response, "Divorce? We're not divorced." and then went on the ask if I knew that they moved and that he was still doing well working at the Marlboro Ranch (that's Marlboro as in cigarettes and yes there really is one but it has a less tacky name)
Wha? I had heard this secondhand from a good friend that talked directly with him. Well, it turned out that my friend had said they were separated, but POSSIBLY getting divorced. Oops. She did introduce herself during the class by her maiden name and I know she didn't even go by her maiden name professionally. I later offered an apology for even mentioning it and left it at that.
I felt bad, but I really didn't know and what little I know of their marriage and financial situation and ALL that I know about Walter's character, a divorce was not a surprise to me. I felt embarrassed. I honestly can't believe I brought such a thing up in retrospect. All I can say is that it is karma for Walter. He has a serious problem of running his mouth off and getting himself in trouble. I had no ill intent and if they are working on things he shouldn't be telling people he's not living at home and possibly getting a divorce and that he is tired of supporting his mother-in-law, etc.
He was such a major double-talker and told people what they wanted to hear even if it was opposite of what he told someone else and it all finally caught up to him. I could tolerate his immature BS, even for a 40 year old man, but I know he knew I saw through his charade. He had also talked a lot of crap to me about others. Once he realized I wasn't playing his games anymore and saw him for who he really was, things changed. We never had any confrontation of any kind, I think it was more what I didn't say that clued him in. He started cutting my hours. I may just be a part-time banquet server, but I make $15-$25 dollars an hour and I don't have to talk to people unless they ask for something. He told my current supervisor that the reason he cut my hours was because I wasn't thankful enough for the ones he gave me?!?! It had nothing to do with the fact that I was questioning why someone he hired to be my replacement months before I even took maternity leave then starts giving them my hours despite the fact that I even brought him a Dr.'s note OKing me for work. Fortunately for me, I eventually quit to have Piper and when the opportunity to come back arose, he had moved on to Emphysema Acres. That's not the only thing he said about me either. If he hadn't moved on and if others hadn't finally saw through the BS, too, I would be seriously pissed, but I also know that people know me well enough to question what he told them. Now I can laugh off how ridiculous he acted and feel vindicated in knowing I saw his true character almost from the start. It just took others a bit longer to see that the everyone's buddy was really a slimy weasel.
As evil as it sounds, I can't help but take a small bit of satisfaction in knowing I caused some trouble for him. I am just sorry his (ex)wife may have been upset over it.
How does my garden grow?
I am quite proud of my garden this year, especially considering that it didn't get planted until June 2nd. I had high hopes for it this year. I even planted a lot of seeds ahead of time. Those that didn't freeze or get scorched on our one hot day in May, rotted because we had so much rain. This is only my 4th year having a garden, so I am still learning and fine-tuning - but I think that never ends with gardening and is part of the fun. I also take great satisfaction in knowing I helped create some of the food we eat.
This year I have 4 different kinds of tomatoes, 3 different kinds of potatoes (red, brown, & purple), green beans, peas, onions, bell peppers, radishes, spinach, lettuce, carrots, butternut squash, cucumbers, tomatillos, basil, and rosemary. That list seems quite long now that I have it typed out. Seems like a lot of stuff, but it's really just a little of this, a little of that. Nothing is really producing right now other than radishes. Hopefully the growing season will last long enough to get a good crop out of everything.
I also have a lot of flowers. They are a necessity to me. I have probably spent $100 just on flowers this year, but it was some much needed therapy for me during the long gray spring here. The little white flowers in the picture below were one of the few things that survived from the seeds I planted. They've been quite prolific and I have actually had to thin them out in places.
I took the picture above when I was blowing bubbles with Piper (I think I was having more fun than her that afternoon). The bubble lasted long enough for me to go in the house to get my camera.
