All Caught Up

A friend of mine recently turned 33. Amy mentioned in an email how she finally felt like she had grown into herself and how grand our 30s really were. It wasn't the first time I had read those words. I recently read a quote from Clare Danes (an actress I once like) that said the same thing, only it annoyed me coming from her but she also stole a married man away from his then very pregnant wife. It's hard to find any respect for someone like that, but that's neither her nor there. I was glad to hear these words coming from Amy because I was able to hear it in a different way, a way that I could really identify with.

In reference to Clare, she said it because she grew up so fast being in the acting profession. I had to grow up fast for very different reasons. Or maybe it wasn't that I had to grow up fast. Maybe it's that my maturity was beyond my actual years from the beginning. It seems weird to say that. If a kid said that to me now I would most likely think they were obnoxious, but back to my point. Maybe this maturity was given to me from the start to deal with the more adult situations I was put into. Really, what came first? I've thought many times about how events in my childhood were somehow preparation for my mom's death. As huge of a loss that that was, her death served as a springboard for the woman I was to become. I was able to recognize that just a few short years after her death and just a few short years into my 20s. Seriously, how many people at that age can have that kind of perspective? Her death was really never a hindrance to me and I know that's the way she would have wanted it.

I think this maturity is what has contributed to me being a loner much of my life. I just couldn't totally identify with those around me. Nearly all relationships have seemed a bit superficial to me (some still do), because I know that person just isn't capable of really getting me. At the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I'm just a much deeper thinker than most people I know. I think on an entirely different level than most people I come across, perhaps over-think. It's not that anything is wrong with them (or me for that matter), I am just different.

I've also always had friends older than myself. I've always been attracted to men much older than myself (Mike was 27 and I was 19 when we started dating). I've always enjoyed getting older . I think a huge part of enjoying getting older was because that "maturity gap" was slowly drawing to a close. After reading Amy's words, I realized that gap was just about closed. I think I may have finally caught up with myself.

Wow, that almost gave me butterflies.

Moving forward from that point should be nothing less than awesome.