Evidence things are going my way

(and other notes of appreciation)

-  I am finally posting on my blog.  I went through some more hormonal crap there for a while. Long story short.  Mirena in.  Mirena made me crazy and might have given my heart murmurs. Mirena provides more info to doctors than patients regarding side effects (even my doctor wasn't aware of this). Had I had all of the info, I wouldn't have gotten it.  Mirena out and I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER.  I think a small part of the reason I didn't write here was because I didn't want to focus on the crap at hand anymore than had to.  

- I can't help but wonder if my hormone issues and my clairvoyant class were supposed to happen at the same time because both have certainly helped me figure out what emotions were mine and what emotions were do to the hormones.  

- I am not the person I was a year ago.  Looking back, I think I have said that 3 times since I ahve been married.  In a way, that makes me sound a bit schizo.  In reality, it just means I am just a new and improved version of former self.  Even Mike recognizes it.  He doesn't totally get my class or other things I do, but he sees it working for me.  He's even learning from my example and putting things into practive in his own life.  Who knew my somewhat selfish venture into self-improvement would end up helping my husband become a better man?

- I am getting better at standing up for myself.  After getting stood up TWICE for an appointment with the shopowner where I sell jewelry in downtown Bozeman, I was able to politely tell her how much she inconvenienced me.  She's technically stood me up a third time, but it was over a year ago.  Two months in a row was just too much.  I also had the courage to go in and pull all of my inventory because I do not have to tolerate anyone treating me that way, let alone someone whose schedule I had always made a point to accomodate.  It was SO NICE to own my power.  

- I feel more comfortable speaking my mind or from my heart.  I question myself less and trust myself more.  There is great relief in trusting one's self.  

- I am looking at myself in the mirror (even naked).  I haven't lost weight, but I am becoming less round and more curvy.  I still want to lose weight, but it's nice to still feel OK and find some appreciation with where you are at.  I workout with Wii Fit 3x week.  I would like to do more, but I'm still proud that I have maintained that frequency.  I am proud to say I scored 94/100 holding the plank position for 30 seconds yesterday.  I NEVER thought that would be as easy as it was.  It is really nice to feel strong even if I am not as slender as I would like to be.   

- I finally got some pictures of new jewelry taken to list on my Etsy site.  I am continually unpressed with the quality of the pictures I take (at least when they turn out) because I am using a 7-year old digital camera that doesn't even have a macro lens.  I don't even use a tripod even though I have one.  I probably should, but get lucky most of the time.  I hope to work on some new items soon.  I look forward to doing the Bozeman Farmer's Market.  It may not be the regular show schedule I had pre-Piper, but it is supposed to be an excellent venue to sell at.  Here are a few new items I will be listing:

- It was just over a year ago that I started this blog.  At that time, I felt lonely and depressed.  I realize those feelings were exacerbated by birth control, but they were still occupying my head.  The loneliness was probably most dominant.  Now I look around me and see an abundance of amazing people I call friends.  A lot of that is thanks to Facebook, but that was probably a bit of a blessing in disguise considering what access I have to like-minded people here.  It's been SO nice to find old and new friends.  

-Looking back at this time last year, I also see that was when the beginning of the end of my friendship with Lisa.  I am happy to say that I don't think about her as much as I used to.  Memories of her would generally conjure up feelings of general pissedoffedness (wow, spell-check actually recognizes that word) and justification of why I needed to end that friendship. There's something I've learned about justifying.  People only justify when they are not sure of themselves.  Justification is really just a way to persuade people to see things your way so you can give yourself "evidence" to feel better about whatever it is.  Justification is not always bad, but it's often a sign of self-doubt.  I think I am approaching a place of indifference towards her and that's a much better place that being pissed and feeling wronged.  A friend of mine that met her and heard about the situation asked me if I was ever going to be friends with her again.  First of all, he's a man so he doesn't understand why I just don't get over it.  I explained to him that I was friends with her for less than a year so it wasn't a hard tie to cut.  I asked him if she thought she had changed and he said no.  I then asked him why I should put myself back into a situation that will likely give me the same old result.  He agreed that I shouldn't.  It was nice to be able to explain to him that I am letting this go, but it doesn't mean I have to be her friend.  I wish her no ill will, but I don't need to tolerate her drama and personal issues when they negatively impact my life.  

I can't help but see the parallel between Lisa and the shopowner because it was ultimately their flakiness that ended the relationships.  In both situations, I politely explained how their flakiness was a huge inconvenience to me.  Both times, they still did it again.  I can't change them, but I can change how I deal with them (which is to not deal with them) and that is more or less what I told both of them.  This year it was nice to have the courage and calmness to do it face-to-face as opposed to last year's email because I was too overwhelmed with emotions to even speak clearly.  I've come a long way, baby.  

Piper thinks I need to get off of the computer now so I guess I am done.  You can only ignore momomomomomomomomomomomomom for so long.  Hope to write again soon.