I haven't done this in a while so I thought it was a good way to get in a fast post today.
- I love that Piper's bug has only lasted a couple of days. I am thankful for the carpet cleaner I own because I was able to clean my carpets the same night they were puked all over. I love that Piper slept all through the night last night.
- I love that I finally got all of things I have been meaning to sell on Craiglist listed.
- I love that my husband actually said Facebook has been good for me.
- I love that I will be getting Mirena next week. I am really getting tired of condoms. Did I mention I am thankful for my sex drive being back?
- I love that I did my Wii Fit workout 4 times this week.
- I love that I have made my home enough my home that the fact that my parents are selling the house I grew up in doesn't really phase me much.
- I love that I am recognizing more and more when I am giving my attention to things that don't feel good.
- I love that in being able to read people better, I find myself feeling less awkward in social situations. Not that that was even a serious issue. I just feel a bit more confident and don't question my words or actions as much. I can also recognize more easily when something is someone else's issue, even when they try and make it mine. It only becomes my issue if I let them suck me in.
- I love that I almost have our taxes done.
- I love that Piper has learned to pinch her nose when she has a poopy diaper. That trick just helped me save her from a sore butt (part of being sick).
- I love that Mike is now on his way home from work. Guess I better start thinking about dinner. Tacos, anyone?
Just some thoughts...
I took this picture at the park last Sunday on my phone.I was surprised how cool it turned out.
I am copying Angie B's last post format from her blog because it was just a lot of things that had been going through her head. It could be a long time before a new post if I keep waiting for my thoughts to coalesce into something thought provoking and "meaningful" (I put it in quotes because it's sorta tongue-in-cheek). So here are the things that have been swirling around my noggin or that I have been meaning to say.
~Becky & Ang - My friend Amy (hi amy) went to a writing workshop at RDC. She even had Jonatha Brooke as a roommate there (if you have never heard of her, go here now to listen to music you're guaranteed to love). Interestingly enough, a former boss and one of Mike's coworkers grew up in the Squam Lake area, too.
~Mary - I was IM'ing with a new Facebook friend the other day and he asked if I ever kept in touch with Mary from JB's. I don't know if you remember him, his name was Dave Matthews (also happens to be Amy's stepbrother). He said he used to come in and flirt with us (I'd say more for you). Who knew back then that we'd still be in touch now?
~ There's a new post on the Piper blog, but be forewarned - you may not enjoy one of the stories. All just depends on whether you have a twisted sense of humor or not.
~ In light of the economy and all of the crap you hear on the news, I have become more greatful of our situation. I am thankful for the fact that we can afford for me to stay at home. I am thankful for my husband's job with the federal government because he won't be laid off. I am thankful for the fact that we have been relatively unaffected by the crap you hear on the news. It is comforting knowing that I live in a state that won't be experiencing a serious budget deficit this year (there are only 4 that won't). We are starting the process of refinancing our mortgage. I am extremely thankful that home values haven't really dropped here. In fact, the 5 major metro (LOL) areas in Montana are in the top 25 places in the country were real estate values will actually increase this year.
~ I am loving the DIY channel. It's giving me a lot of inspiration and ideas of things to do with our house in the future. Our house is almost 15 years old, which happens to be the time when things started looking a little dated or just worn out. I would LOVE to know how to do the work AND have all of the necessary tools to do things around the house. First project will be tiling the downstairs project just as soon as we get our tax return back (I guess I should get on the filing part of that).
~ I think Facebook is consuming the time I was once using to write in my blog. It's just too easy to check out what is new when my laptop sits on the kitchen counter all day. It has been interesting, though, seeing little issues get stirred up with the memories of some of these people. It gives me a good chance to re-examine those emotions from a "grown-up" perspective and then let them go.
I have had 2 people from my past tell me that they didn't like me much was I was preteen-teenage because they were jealous of me. This was not revealed to me recently or even through Facebook, just random conversations. I was insecure enough then that I never would have never imagined someone being jealous of me. Even now in life, I have had people (as recently as yesterday) tell me how confident and sure of myself they think I am. Really??? Wow, I must be pretty good at fooling people then.
Women have the tendency to think that other women have it more together than they do. We lift others up, while pushing ourselves down. Truth is we all have our own issues. Since others seem to see me as something more than I see myself, maybe I need to try to see the truth in what they see. Maybe I can forgive someone's negative words or actions against me because they were only acting out of their own insecurity. I know that place of feeling and would never want someone to be there. Maybe people I see as really confident or really together, are really just over-compensating for the disaster that is their life. Maybe the Mean Girls, of both past and present and dare I say future, are really just insecure themselves and being mean is how they make themselves feel better - by making someone else feel the pain that they feel.
I may never know if this was the motivation behind all of those that have been less than nice to me in my life, but it is a nicer, gentler, more forgiving perspective to look at things though. So if this is my own delusion, I choose to be delusional.
Lessons Learned
This post says it was published on the 2nd, but it's really happening on the 8th. I had all kinds of ideas for a New Year's post, but life got in the way. First it was having my sister, her husband, and her 2 basset hounds here for a few days (Piper already thought she was a dog, having 2 more here only made it worse). That was followed by a couple of long days of work (made $600 thanks to John and Tom for going on vacation). Anyhow, her I am more than a week in and still no post.
I still wanted to record a few thoughts on lessons I learned in 2008. So here goes...
Friendships
I've learned that I don't have much time to maintain friendships so the ones that I do must be worth my time. In this I mean, I get as much out of the friendship as I give. I don't have time to settle. It doesn't mean I'm not "friendly" with people, I just don't invest time in them if they aren't willing to at least try to do the same. Maybe it's just me, maybe they're just not that into me (LOL), it doesn't matter. I have become comfortable enough with myself to accept that. I have also learned to love myself enough to stop something if it leaves me feeling a bit empty. It's kinda like giving up on that guy who's just not that into you. I don't think that it is too high of a standard to hold someone to.
Forgiveness
I have found (at least for me) is about becoming neutral. I don't have to love the person, I just need to be neutral. You know you are there when you can think about the person and those tight, not so pretty feelings are no longer evoked. Neutrality means you don't have to forget, you just have to let go. It also means you can become neutral with people you can't help but have in your life. You can't change your family, but you can change how you react to them. I guess you could call that future forgiveness.
Birth Control
It took over my mind and body there for a while. It felt so good being able to blame my crazy emotions on something outside of myself. That hormone trip was a trip I'd rather not taken, but the contrast has certainly helped me see some things differently so I will give it that. I think my body is finally back to normal now.
Being More Comfortable with Myself
It seems like this has been an ongoing challenge, but it is nice to look back and see improvement. A recent experience helped me realize this. I have started taking Piper to a playgroup once a week and I have quickly found how I don't really fit in with the majority of the moms. In fact, some are just downright annoying (a certain mom that is teaching her child Chinese comes to mind). A former version of me would have still tried to be part of the group of moms that are very friendly with one another. The current version of me recognizes that these are not people I would really want to be friends with so why should I feel left out because I don't seem to fit in with this group. It's not like I am the only mom who doesn't go for the socializing, but a former self would have felt left out even though deep down she knew it wasn't a fit. I am now comfortable with myself to not care about that. That might not be the right way to articulate that, but it will do.
I Trust Myself More
It just may have something to do with the fact that I have been taking a clairvoyant training class, but I am trusting my inner voice more now. I haven't talked about my classes because the idea of it seems so out there yet there really isn't anything special to it. A very simplified explanation of it would be guided meditation while being just as lucid as you would be any other waking moment. Another thing I have loved about the class is that the purpose of the class is sefl growth. In fact, my teacher told us to prepare to be growth junkies. Between basic meditations and doing readings on people, you can achieve personal growth. With all that said, it's nice to believe that voice inside your head knows what it's talking about - you just have to know how to listen.
While glancing over these items they may seem small. Yet they really are life-altering, albeit in small and subtle ways. Here's to 2008. May 2009 be even better.
I still wanted to record a few thoughts on lessons I learned in 2008. So here goes...
Friendships
I've learned that I don't have much time to maintain friendships so the ones that I do must be worth my time. In this I mean, I get as much out of the friendship as I give. I don't have time to settle. It doesn't mean I'm not "friendly" with people, I just don't invest time in them if they aren't willing to at least try to do the same. Maybe it's just me, maybe they're just not that into me (LOL), it doesn't matter. I have become comfortable enough with myself to accept that. I have also learned to love myself enough to stop something if it leaves me feeling a bit empty. It's kinda like giving up on that guy who's just not that into you. I don't think that it is too high of a standard to hold someone to.
Forgiveness
I have found (at least for me) is about becoming neutral. I don't have to love the person, I just need to be neutral. You know you are there when you can think about the person and those tight, not so pretty feelings are no longer evoked. Neutrality means you don't have to forget, you just have to let go. It also means you can become neutral with people you can't help but have in your life. You can't change your family, but you can change how you react to them. I guess you could call that future forgiveness.
Birth Control
It took over my mind and body there for a while. It felt so good being able to blame my crazy emotions on something outside of myself. That hormone trip was a trip I'd rather not taken, but the contrast has certainly helped me see some things differently so I will give it that. I think my body is finally back to normal now.
Being More Comfortable with Myself
It seems like this has been an ongoing challenge, but it is nice to look back and see improvement. A recent experience helped me realize this. I have started taking Piper to a playgroup once a week and I have quickly found how I don't really fit in with the majority of the moms. In fact, some are just downright annoying (a certain mom that is teaching her child Chinese comes to mind). A former version of me would have still tried to be part of the group of moms that are very friendly with one another. The current version of me recognizes that these are not people I would really want to be friends with so why should I feel left out because I don't seem to fit in with this group. It's not like I am the only mom who doesn't go for the socializing, but a former self would have felt left out even though deep down she knew it wasn't a fit. I am now comfortable with myself to not care about that. That might not be the right way to articulate that, but it will do.
I Trust Myself More
It just may have something to do with the fact that I have been taking a clairvoyant training class, but I am trusting my inner voice more now. I haven't talked about my classes because the idea of it seems so out there yet there really isn't anything special to it. A very simplified explanation of it would be guided meditation while being just as lucid as you would be any other waking moment. Another thing I have loved about the class is that the purpose of the class is sefl growth. In fact, my teacher told us to prepare to be growth junkies. Between basic meditations and doing readings on people, you can achieve personal growth. With all that said, it's nice to believe that voice inside your head knows what it's talking about - you just have to know how to listen.
While glancing over these items they may seem small. Yet they really are life-altering, albeit in small and subtle ways. Here's to 2008. May 2009 be even better.
