What's wrong with having an only child?

Now that Piper is a year old, I am getting the "so when are you going to have another" question more and more frequently. Pre-parenthood, I thought that I wanted at least 2, if not 3 kids. Then I got to experience parenthood for myself and realized, hmmm, maybe not.

It's not that I don't have it easy. Piper is such a good little girl. I am so very thankful that we were blessed with such a happy and easy-going baby. She was never colicky. Teething only made her whiny with some occasional restless nights. She eats just about anything except baby food - which I didn't blame her for in the least bit. She's also very independent and does well occupying herself. I have smiled and laughed more in the last year than the last 10 combined.

So what's the problem? Me. I am too selfish and don't have the patience. I have never been a "baby person". I never wanted to hold someone else's baby no matter how cute they were. I have also really come to appreciate why people might adopt toddlers as opposed to babies. Don't get me wrong - I would never give up the first year I have had with Piper, but I think experiencing it once was enough for me. Too much work, too little sleep, too many things out of my control. Somehow, my Mormon heritage didn't bestow on me the desire to have a large family or the ability to feel completely fulfilled by simply being a mom. While Piper is my #1 priority, she is not the only one.

Can you imagine the look on the person's face after asking "so when are you gonna have another" if I replied with "No, I am just too selfish."? I have never been that frank before, but I don't pretend that I really want another. Then they just proceed to tell me "just wait, you'll change your mind soon" or "but wouldn't it be nice to have a younger sibling for Piper" which is sometimes followed by "because what if something happened to you and Mike". Then there's that tell you about the kids they have known that are only children and how bratty and self-entitled they are and that your making a mistake not having another. There's also those moms that will tell you that having two kids is easier because the first one can help with the second and be a play buddy, too.

On an additional note, I also find it interesting that complete strangers find it acceptable to voice their opinions on such a personal matter. It's kinda like a stranger touching a pregnant woman's belly. At no other time is it OK to do such a thing, but for some reason these situations seem acceptable to so many people.

I shouldn't be surprised to find myself in a minority, so to speak. I have quite a habit of taking the path less traveled. I also am coming to see that maybe I am attracting these comments due to a little bit of uncertainty on my part. I never thought of having only one child. Growing up behind the Zion curtain, there were few families with only one child. Thinking back, I believe that all of the "only child" kids I knew were not Mormon. You were either infertile or there had to be something wrong with you mentally or emotionally if you only had one child or none at all - at least that's what people I knew would say.

What's wrong with having an only child? Why does that make people so uneasy? While I see everyone's perspective and probably was one of those people back in the day, I'm not now. What's wrong with admitting that you'd be a better parent to 1 child vs. 2? What's wrong with recognizing your own limitations and just accepting them? What's wrong with not wanting to completely sacrifice yourself? What's wrong with wanting to take a different path?

Maybe having an only child is a responsible decision. The whole world can't have large families. Then there's the expense. The price of everything has increased in the last year. I also don't think that my dog Sam would survive another baby. She's going on 10 and that's getting old for a big dog. She was our only child for many years and Piper has really impacted her one-on-one time. Even the vet noticed she has grayed A LOT in the last year. Maybe a stupid reason to some, but it's a reason nonetheless.

While I haven't shut the door completely on having another child and I am still saving a lot of the baby stuff Piper has outgrew, each passing day I feel more and more that it is the right decision to make. Hopefully, the comments will stop as I become more certain with this path.

I believe in doctors & medicine more than I don't

That's been a mantra of mine lately. I don't have a lot of respect for the business of medicine. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 32. She knew something was wrong with her body, but no one would give her a mammogram because she was "too young". By the time she finally had the mammogram and the subsequent biopsy, the cancer had already spread to her lymph nodes. My mom caught staph infection from the hospital and nearly died 2 weeks after her double mastectomy. Her cancer came back 5 years later. She thought that a bone marrow transplant was still an option. My mom was the one to determine she couldn't have bone marrow transplant because it had already hit her bones. She discovered this, not her doctors, because she was looking over her medical records and found it on previous body scan that was looking at her organs. Not a single doctor noticed in her bones because they weren't looking there. Then there was the doctor that prescribed a medication to my mom despite my mom's own protest due to possible allergies. This drug caused a severe allergic reaction that caused so much pressure in her brain on her optic nerve it essentially made her blind.

Despite all of this, I do recognize the medical profession as an essential part of our society. I just don't think they are the end all solution. I was more than willing to embrace doctors and medicine when I had Piper, no hesitation whatsoever. I had never stayed overnight in a hospital or even had stitches until I had my c-section with Piper. Fortunately, my husband and I are quite healthy and rarely get sick.

So to get to the point of my post, I had to take my daughter in for her 12-month immunizations yesterday. One of the shots she received was the infamous MMR. Many moms with autistic children blame this shot for their autism. I only just received my MMR vaccination prior to getting pregnant. I didn't know if I had even had it. Apparently Idaho didn't require it when I was a baby, because a blood test said I had it. My doctor recommended it because Measles and Mumps can be quite serious when pregnant. I didn't know it was "the autism shot" until after I was pregnant. Damn those pregnancy magazines anyway.

You now read about it in all of the parenting magazines, Oprah has done more than one episode on the topic, it's everywhere. It's hard to ignore. 1 out of every 103 boys are currently being diagnosed with autism. Girls odds are much better but WTF is going on? The CDC for the first time EVER, finally issued a statement that they are going to take a look at these statistics and the correlation with this vaccine. They have never acknowledged even the suggestion of a connection of autism to the vaccine. They still aren't admitting anything, but the arrogance, the "we know better than you" attitude so prevalent in the medical profession backed down just a bit here.

A recent lawsuit against the pharmaceutical company that makes the vaccine was recently settled. The company's claim was that the autistic girl had a medical predisposition to autism that the vaccine triggered. So they are essentially saying that it wasn't really their fault despite the fact that the girl had never been diagnosed with any kind of condition. What a great and legal way for them to get out of admitting wrong-doing. Funny thing is, a lot of moms with autistic children will tell you the very same thing. Jenny McCarthy's son has autism. She believes that vaccine did cause her son's autism, but she doesn't believe that it will cause it in every child. She thinks that some children just have a "autism switch" that gets turned on by the vaccine. Maybe vaccines shouldn't be one size fits all.

Despite my apparent rant leading up to this, I really do feel I am more in alignment with the medical profession than I am not. This was just something I've been playing with in my mind the last few months knowing that I was going to take by baby in voluntarily and give here this vaccine I reminded myself of all of the kids that have had the vaccination and are doing just fine. I reminded myself that girls had better odds. I reminded myself that vaccines serve a great purpose. I reminded myself that doctors do more good than bad. Anytime I found myself imagining myself in the situation, I was quick to turn that thought off.

I do feel at peace with Piper having this vaccination. Sometimes those pesky "facts" just have a way of making you question what you feel is true.

2 Ways I am Simplifying and You Can, Too

Simplifying my life is a way to get out of my own way so I thought this was helpful info for anyone that cares.

I am tired of all of the credit cards offers I get in the mail. It's just so much wasted paper and I definitely don't need any more credit cards. I am also tired of most catalogs. While I still shop with most of the places I receive catalogs from, I browse and purchase online most of the time. I don't need catalogs from Dell because I bought a laptop last year. I don't need Sierra Trading Post catalogs in both Mike's and my names because he ordered once in his own name. I don't need catalogs from 3 gardening companies when I have only ordered from one and have learned I really just need to buy local here in Montana. I am sure you all know what I mean.

I heard about this place that would unsubscribe you for free from catalogs on the Today show. All you needed was your customer number and possibly the source code. Of course I didn't write the site down, but good ol'Google helped me and then some.

First search found me this site: https://www.optoutprescreen.com

Not the catalog place I was looking for, but very helpful nonetheless. This site coordinates with all of the major credit report companies (experican, transunion, equifax, innovis) in removing your name from the list of people to receive credit card offers. It doesn't work for all companies, but it works for the ones that cooperate with these credit agencies.

After I took care of that, a more refined Google found me the site I was looking for: https://www.catalogchoice.org/

I unsubscribed from the aforementioned Dell and duplicate Sierra Trading Post catalogs. Gardening catalogs will have to wait until new ones arrive, those were recently recycled.

I am interested to see how long it takes to notice a difference.

Where will I find the time?

Depending on who you talk to, some will say it's better to have your kids when you are young because you will be "young" parents and they will be out of the house while you still have lots of life ahead of you. Some say that it's better to wait and have lots of time to play while you are still young and you'll also be more financially secure when you are older.

Well, I waited simply because the timing wasn't right and I just hadn't been interested before. I have never been particularly maternal, but I always knew I would be a mom. I know I am a much better parent now than I would have been earlier in life, but I also feel like I had to sacrifice more. Yeah, yeah, I knew there would be sacrifice - I guess I just didn't know how much and how it would affect me.

I made the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I am thankful for the opportunity to stay at home with little Piper and that I don't have to leave her at a daycare everyday. BUT, I miss being able to do things that I want to do. Part of the deal with me staying at home is that I would continue to pursue my jewelry business for extra money. Last summer I was primarily beading and had an immobile child. As I approach this coming jewelry season (tourist season), I now want to do primarily silver work, either tradition silversmithing or metal clay, and I have a child getting ready to walk.

My jewelry has been my passion for so long and I am so excited with where the silver is taking me. I finally feel like a true artist. BUT, silver is more time intensive and I just can't take a break at any given time. I traded the choking hazards of beads to having silver clay smeared on my fingers and holding a lit torch with glowing metal in my hands - could I get any more child un-friendly?

So how am I in my own way concerning this? Time management and time wasters I have never had to, often thought it might be a useful thing, but I got by just fine for 31+ years not doing it. Now that is the only solution.

How can I improve this situation?
- Spend less time online. I don't need to read TMZ or PerezHilton all of the time. Hollywood gossip is fun, but so nonessential.
- Watch less TV. This has been happening gradually already. I have been noticing a heavier energy when the TVs on for no real purpose. Nothing bad, just a slow and stagnant energy you might expect from crappy TV. I am thankful for the ability to recognize that now. I like having background noise, but the radio is a much better alternative.
-Maximize nap time by not doing one of the above.
- Follow the suggestion of the Fly Lady (www.flylady.net)and get dressed earlier in the day. She actually says first thing in the morning, but she also says baby steps so getting dressed before 9AM is a good day for me . Getting fully dressed really does make you feel more prepared to tackle the day. I waste a lot of time early in the morning by easing myself into the day. Is it necessary? Maybe sometimes, but definitely not all of the time.
- Last and definitely not least - believe I can make it happen. "Can't" has been too much of my vocabulary lately. As my Grandpa used to say "Can't can't do anything". That has never resonated much for me until now. I am limiting myself by believing it's not possible and looking for reasons to support that. Of course I am going to find evidence to support that frame of mind I am looking for it afterall. I know better, but I don't always act accordingly. My current state of less happiness is totally the result of looking at my limitations instead of my possibilities.

With all that said, I am going to go maximize this nap time and take advantage of Mike not being home tonight by doing something jewelry-related.

Setting my intention...

One of the many gifts that motherhood has given me was the chance to refocus and re-prioritize. Becoming a mother just over a year ago really threw me into a tailspin. I am having a life crisis of sorts. Don't get me wrong, I love that we have our little Piper now - she just turned my life upside-down. Now I am trying to find some semblance of balance and order again and some things (not just clothing) don't fit so well or have a place to go anymore. I have recognized that behaviors and attitudes that have served me thus far in life no longer do so, but I am finding it interesting trying to find a way to stop doing things I have done nearly all of my life. Habits so ingrained that you often don't know they exist.

This where the title of my blog comes from. So many of my attitudes and beliefs are contrary and limiting to what I really want in life. I am essentially in the way my own progress. A great example of this for me is being as Dr. Phil would say a "right-fighter". I am almost always right and I am not just saying that, but why do I have to be right even when it means I am going to get into an argument with Mike over it or I have to get pissed off at someone over it. As Abraham would say, would I rather be right or rather be happy?

With that said, I would like to set some intentions for why I am doing this blog. Everywhere I look someone or something is telling me how important it is to write down my goals so I must need to do it.

I intend for this to be a place for me to articulate my thoughts. I have so much going on in my head these days that it would be good for me to organize some of it here.

I also intend for this place to be a place for me to be me - not the person I think someone else expects me to be or the person that has always tried to fit in. My facade has served its purpose, but it's getting heavier to carry. It's not that I am a completely different person than I portray myself to be, I just hold certain cards very close to me, especially when it comes to my personal beliefs. I am who I am and I want to truly embrace that.

It's none of my business what other people think of me (thanks again, Abraham).